WAH and LBW separated and dark

[DumpedforMIL]

For the sake of the argument.. "He" felt the same way. So both of you knew.. this was not gonna last.

So you can't say "I never saw this coming". Cause you did.

He just reacted first.

yes. i didn't expect him to be the one to drop the bomb. i expected us to 'ride out the storm' and then we would find ways to deal with it.

we had our ups and downs. we've fought over his annoying parents before.

and now money has gotten a hold of him and it's a battle over money now. he just wants money. he doesn't care about the marriage or the people who got hurt along the way. it's all about money.

i knew that mentioning that i had spoke to someone about getting a divorce was going to get that kind of response. but here's another food for thought.

i think in previous posts, i said that my h discussed issues he had with me, with his mom. i was hurt that he spoke to her and didn't not address the issue directly with me.

look who i went to when i was contemplating divorce. i went to a colleague. i didn't go to h first. however, i eventually told him that i had these thoughts. and he was not happy with me for even considering divorce, let alone talking to someone else about it.

The reaction is the same one you would have had given the appropriate amount of time.

i don't know. divorce is not an option with me. i would have sucked it up. ride it out. divorce is the easy way out. it's the cowardly thing to do.

What if "he" was posting here now instead of you?

Would we be saying anything different?

Put yourself in those shoes.

probably not. except that he would have to set boundaries with me.

Dumped.. You have done everything right "here".

There has not been much "drama". You have not made the situation worse. You have covered your "emotion" well.

To me.. that gets you the gold star.

You listen.. to a point. You understand.

drama doesn't solve anything. from the get go, i was like a machine with no feelings.
besides, drama makes you do stupid things. things that can make the situation worse. i think things through so i hold back and try to make smarter decisions rather than emotional ones.

The kicker is.. you still can't "see" that this is just simply your BFF.. trying to change your R. Neither one of you knew what to do. But both of you wanted a change. Someone reacted.. and evoked a change. Most likely because they wanted to "see" who you really are.

i don't "see" that he is my BFF. i can see he's trying to change the R by getting rid of me from his life - he can't stand the sight of me. he avoids me at all cost - so no, he doesn't want to see me. and thinks being married to me is going to kill him. not exactly what i expect from a BFF.

the reaction was a poor reaction. threatening divorce and moving ahead with it, creates a crack in the foundation. it's not easy fixing a crack in the foundation.

So.. again.. who do you want to be?

i want to be happy. i want to be healthy.
i want to be the old me again.
the girl who the guys admired, loved squash, loved socializing, and loved being girly. the girl who went to weddings alone and didn't care. i was just free, funny, and lively. i cared about people. always have. always will.

this is the girl he originally fell in love with.

Have you outgrown this R?

Or..

Could you do better?

could i do better? i think so. guy #4 is a great catch.
have i outgrown this r? it's possible.

going back to being the girl he originally fell in love with. i can see the old me coming back.

i cut out a big rant. not appropriate. i'll save it for another day.

You just need to be creative enough.. or patient enough.. to evoke that change in someone else.

i have been patient. i've given him space.
i am a bit weary about my talk with my h. i'm not ready yet. i need a practice exercise. remember when you told me to start with a smile? i need something like that to start off with.

thanks fg.