I haven't posted here in a long time 8 months or so and then it was in the Newcomers section.
The basics of my story are;
My wife suckered me into moving to a new town about an hour away from my work and all my friends and family.
She said how it would be a new start for us and how good it would be for the kids and stuff.
That was December 2009.
About a month before this huge move she give me the ILBNINWY story and OMG the storm begins.
So long long story short I DB my a$$ off and even did many many coaching session with Jody from here. She is wicked by the way. We even did joint and individual sessions with my wife.
After all that time DBing there was a bit of a bump in the road. Finally comes out a year long affair with her ex boyfriend who lives ... you guessed it in the new town.
Still tried to divorce bust willing to forgive and move on but just not enough for her and STBXW decides she want to be with him.
We sepatate in house for 3 months. We sign a separation agreement money changes hands, custody agreement done and she moves out.
So, I mean you know how it goes friking dying inside. So quiet and lonely in the house without the kids. Of course she scripts the usual "wants to be friends" texting me with this and that but nothing important.
So finially all I can do is meet her with anger. Not rage or anything in front of the kids but just can't talk to her in anyway. I just drop the kids off and run.
Finally I come to the honest fact that I still love her. I mean we have been together for 15 years ... I am sure everyone gets it.
So this weekend I text her an let her know this and that basically I am so angry and it makes it easier for me to have to deal with all of this "hiding behind my anger".
For whatever reason telling her this was kind of freeing for me. I have no idea why.
Then last night she says she wants to come over and show me (us actually my mother in law and her boyfriend rent my basement suite) my daughters new hair cut.
Now she is like poking me and sort of play fighting and stuff. I dare say flirting with me.
Tonight I drop the kids off she invites me in for coffee and I take her up on it. Also drops she has broken up with her boyfriend.
Through the grapevine I hear she already has another on the side.
I posted here because I have not been trying to DB at all in anyway. I see no answer but a divorce. I have been through the meat grinder.
I cannot go backwards now. Someone said to me once, "hurt me once shame on you", "hurt me 2, 3, 4, 5, times shame on me".
I really don't understand what she wants from me. She moved out 2 months ago. I don't know how to deal with this or her. I have to see her 4 days a week to drop off the kids
I am just trying to keep my head above water. You know I am up and down good somedays, real lonley others. I am also watching my kids struggle and it hurts me as well.
I am not like "maybe she wants me back" because I just can't see it ever working again.
Just how do I deal with this? I know nobody can say exactly what she wants from me but ... good god if you want to go then go and let's get to the business of raising our kids.
