I love her. I do. I love lots about her. Do I want to be with her for sake of the kid? Probably.
Is that the only reason? No.
Can I define those other reasons? I don't know.
Originally Posted By: robx
No regular sex, I'm thinking poor communication, not a great friendship, probably no common hobbies/activities, etc.
Regular sex? Yes. Good sex? I settled for less than good sex alot of times
Poor communication? Hell yes.
Great friendship? Yes.
No common hobbies/activities? No. We're share lots of things together.
You're right. 80 pages in, and I show zero progress. Natta. Zilch.
Do I consider myself valuable? Not in my R. In my work/friends/everything else... yes.
Thanks bro. I needed this.
Time to go back to the drawing board.
Ultimately, I do want to be with my W because of our kid. That's what's guiding me in all of this. After stepping back, reflecting, and understanding our R, I don't like it all where it is or has been. I want something different.
Great friendship with someone who has cheated on you several times and dropped the "bomb" on father's day of ALL DAYS?!
Are you serious?
That's a great friendship?!
I think you need to re-evaluate the definitions & answers you apply to these questions.
Poor communication but a great friendship?
Are you making excuses for yourself and for her?
You are way too young to be dealing with this bull$hit, you guys aren't a fine wine, will not get better with age, if you have these issues now and stick together, these issues will haunt you for the next few years until one of you spontaneously self-combust on the spot.
Staying together for your kid may sound noble but you will just be teaching him how his mom treats his dad and to expect the same thing when he grows up and gets married if he gets married at all after you guys have thoroughly scared the $hit out of him with your antics.
"Ultimately, I do want to be with my W because of our kid." That's a good enough reason, but its got to be on healthy terms too.
"Time to go back to the drawing board." Yes, quickly, and see a good lawyer on the way just in case the new design fails.
It's a good reason if you want to be a bad parent. She has cheated on him while being together with him and married to him while they have had their kid, it's safe to assume she'll repeat this past behavior again.
You would expose the kid to this?
You expect her to promise to be good and not engage in this behavior again?
I think the gist of this is - she can't figure me out. She knows I'm changing or something. She doesn't get it. She just knows something has changed and she doesn't know what. Her motivations behind that - I don't know, I'm not her.
I'm doing something different. Let's see how this pans out. The crap I've been doing before didn't work.
I'm fully expecting her to do something to try to hurt me. Mediation crap, saying something hurtful, whatever - I'm expecting it.
----"Et tu, Brute?"---- me:28 W:24 S4 T:6 M:4 EA Exposed: 5/21/10 Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day) NC w/ OM: 7/10/10 W moved out 8/21/10 http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
you are trying to read the future, you are trying to plan out what will happen. John you cant. you try and read into too much, let it go. until you do you will keep up with this nonsense. She knows how to get under your skin, she is still under it bc you let her be. You say you get it, over and over and over again, but you dont act like it. I have done the same thing, I started to think that my W was reaching out, maybe she is, but I tell myself its the same crap again. You need to get to that point, until you do you will be the poster in the everlasting limbo she wants you to be in. If you are in Limbo you cannot move on, thats what she wants, its total control. Even though you look here for advice your W holds your puppet strings......
