Well the madness continues. I certainly have a different situation to deal with than many of you. My H gave me the ILYBINILWY speech, followed by some arguments and complaints about me, the M etc. But once I figured out what was going on, I have worked to be friendly, civil, kind etc. Because of D, I end up seeing H a lot and our communication is somewhat like being in the Twilight Zone because we talk and joke and discuss stuff, almost like before. But I definitely don't talk about myself unless asked and even then, I keep it short since I don't get the impression there's a LOT of interest. I noticed a few weird things today. My H was over at the house today visiting with D because she got a new Nintendo game she's been waiting on for months. After getting tangled up with my dog, my anklet broke in the kitchen and small piece got lost. I bent down looking for it and H asked what I was doing, so I let him know what had happened. So he gets up, grabs the flashlight and starts looking all over the kitchen for it. I don't think *I* even cared that much about it. Just odd. The other weird thing is that he had commented on a FB post I had made earlier in the day. This evening, I hopped onto his page to follow a link he had posted earlier in the day. Those of you familiar with FB know that on a person's wall, it'll list all the pages they've commented on etc. There were many listed, including several of D's posts that he commented on. My name was strangely absent. I think he's erasing all evidence of commenting on my page to keep OW from knowing he's talking to his wife! Since I have a weird twisted way of finding humor in things, I'll choose to find this mildly disturbingly funny. The flipside of this is that he's probably doing the same to prevent me from knowing about OW but since she posts all over his page all the time, it's not really that hard to figure out. MLC=confusion indeed Detachment certainly helps.....
"Love me when I least deserve it, for that is when I need it the most"
M18 Me39,H42 D16 Bomb 1/10 Moved out 3/10 OW 6/10 H wants to R,OW gone 11/10 H moves back 5/11 H wants to wear rings again 9/11
This week, my H has been making a LOT of contact. So much so that it made me wonder if there might some sort of a change going on with him. But I quickly put that out of my mind since I KNOW this is a rollercoaster ride and this may just be the good side. This may also be the result of the new antidepressant he started a few weeks back (they take a few weeks to really have an effect) It HAS made me question what kind of R he has with OW though since he seems to spend so much time contacting me. Like I've said previously, my suspicions are only that. I was under the impression, based on his weird behavior after an extended vacation, that it was a PA. But now I'm not sure. I'm positive it's AT THE VERY LEAST, a very inappropriate friendship if not an EA. But in the end, I've tried not to think about it too much because it really doesn't matter. I've accepted the reality of it AS a PA so I'm prepared for either one.
His contacts with me are primarily sending my links of news articles, videos, music etc that he finds interesting and wants my take on it. I watch when I can and respond with a short blurb about my thoughts (since he does ask) but I don't go too into depth on my feelings unless he initiates conversations, which at least this week, has been often. One night last week he texted me and asked if I would "sanity check" an email he was sending out to his boss. He's been having communication issues with them and wrote a sharply worded email listing the issues. I felt the email was warranted based on what he's told me, but it definitely needed to be made less harsh. Since the MLC, he has been WAY more harsh than normal in disagreements with others. He burned some major bridges with my sister a few months back. But he seems to at least be aware that he has this issue and I appreciated that he respected my editing abilities.
This was the first week I've seen him since putting my ring back on. Fortunately, if he noticed, he didn't say anything and it hasn't seemed to bother his mood any. I'm glad to have it back on. It feels more like me.
As for him, despite the good mood and interactions we've had this week, I don't think much is different. I'm fairly certain he's still in replay. He's restarted practicing his guitar and has talked about joining a band for fun. My D and I booked tickets to my brothers wedding in October and he hasn't mentioned anything about going. Which is very sad. My H met my brother when my brother was 6. My brother looked up to him as he grew up and they are, in a lot of ways, like brothers. I don't know whether H will decide to go or not, but I'm not asking. I will hope for the best but really won't be surprised if he doesn't attend. I think in actuality, he's probably quite afraid to face my parents. He's always had a good relationship with them and has still spoken with both since the split. I've told my parents nothing and they have no reason to think badly of him. But I still think he would be majorly uncomfortable with them. My sister , on the other hand, like I said earlier, had a MAJOR blow out with him (due to his MLC short fuse) and has sworn him off completely. I think H doesn't want to deal with that and unfortunatley, my brother will probably be slightly hurt by the whole thing.
As for this weekend, I plan to chill out today, get laundry caught up, and catch up on my naps! We may even hit the beach later this evening. Tomorrow, D and I plan to go to a water park. I hope everyone has a great extended weekend!
"Love me when I least deserve it, for that is when I need it the most"
M18 Me39,H42 D16 Bomb 1/10 Moved out 3/10 OW 6/10 H wants to R,OW gone 11/10 H moves back 5/11 H wants to wear rings again 9/11
Albuquerque - isn't it so damn confusing when they want to talk/text about normal regular things, like they still need us in thier daily lives but yet they don't want us? You think...is this the babysteps that Michelle talks about in her book? or is it just more MLC crap?
It's so hard not to get your hopes up. You wonder how long will this last? I see some people on this site that have been here since 07!!! How can I deal with this confusion for 1 year, 2 years, 3 years?! And then I stop and think that I could wait forever for my H to be "in love" with me again.
TAMF m:41 xh:41 T: 20 M: 15 D: 16 D: 14 Bomb dropped: 7/3/10 separated: 7/15/10 H moved in to new apt. with OW: 7/1/11 divorced: 8/26/12
Continue to GAL. As proof, I took my first pole dancing class today! I felt totally stupid and uncoordinated but it sure was fun! It's a great way to concentrate on yourself and get in shape. Plus, having to get some kick ass stripper heels was super fun and something I NEVER thought I would ever do. But you can't work the pole without a proper (make that IMproper) set of heels! My purpose in taking the class was mainly to help me work out some of my subconcious puritanical sexuality issues that were brought on by my upbringing. I think this is JUST what I need and look forward to my next lesson.
As for my H, he stopped by after dropping D off. He mentioned that he was refilling his AD script and thought they were working. I probably shouldn't have, but I agreed and said that it seemed like "he had less of a weight on his shoulders". It's true and he's been a lot more chipper and less morose lately. He immediately made a joke about his WEIGHT and I laughed it off and said that wasn't what I meant. And then he averted his gaze, looked down and got a horribly hurt and pained look on his face which he tried to immediately hide and recover from. My first instinct was to ask what he was thinking. But I knew better. If he wanted to share, he would have. But apparently, it was not wise of me to mention his state of mind. I managed to touch a nerve somehow. I don't know what was up and I probably never will. Just found it interesting. More proof that they show happiness and chipperness on the outside but that's not what's necessarily going on internally.
"Love me when I least deserve it, for that is when I need it the most"
M18 Me39,H42 D16 Bomb 1/10 Moved out 3/10 OW 6/10 H wants to R,OW gone 11/10 H moves back 5/11 H wants to wear rings again 9/11
LOVE IT that you are taking a pole dancing class! I would love to do that...but alas we are a fairly small community our local Y doesn't hold a class like that. LMAO! You have to keep posting on how you are doing.
As,this post touches on the "sex" subject...LORD HAVE MERCY I HAVEN'T GONE TIHS LONG SINCE MY KIDS WERE BORN! I don't know how I am going to do it. quite frankly, this is a waste of my sexual prime! LOL!!!!!
TAMF m:41 xh:41 T: 20 M: 15 D: 16 D: 14 Bomb dropped: 7/3/10 separated: 7/15/10 H moved in to new apt. with OW: 7/1/11 divorced: 8/26/12
LORD HAVE MERCY I HAVEN'T GONE TIHS LONG SINCE MY KIDS WERE BORN!
If it helps, sex without real intimacy... is like eating Milky Way candy bars for your meals. Despite the advertising campaign's claim to the contrary, it's not really that satisfying.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
problem is...i have been with my H since I was 17 and I wouldn't even know HOW to have sex with someone else. I think I would freak out and the poor guy would have to go to counseling over the incident!
I suppose toys, toys, toys is the answer right now. he-he!
TAMF m:41 xh:41 T: 20 M: 15 D: 16 D: 14 Bomb dropped: 7/3/10 separated: 7/15/10 H moved in to new apt. with OW: 7/1/11 divorced: 8/26/12
You are cracking me up! But you're right, we don't really have another option other than taking matters into our own hands so to speak!
As for the classes, I'll definitely keep you updated. I'm super sore today. My challenge for this week is to learn to walk in the ridiculously tall stilletto heels. We were told to vacuum in them as a means of practicing since you can use the vacuum to counterbalance yourself. My D will be off at the football game tonight so I plan to make an attempt at that this evening. Didn't want to do that in front of her because that would just be a weird conversation. Here's hoping I don't fall flat on my face!
"Love me when I least deserve it, for that is when I need it the most"
M18 Me39,H42 D16 Bomb 1/10 Moved out 3/10 OW 6/10 H wants to R,OW gone 11/10 H moves back 5/11 H wants to wear rings again 9/11
LMAO! a picture came to mind of you vacuuming in 4 inch heels...and I don't even know what you look like! Girlfriend, I am 6 feet tall - can you imagine me in 4 inch heels. LOL! I would touch the ceiling!
TAMF m:41 xh:41 T: 20 M: 15 D: 16 D: 14 Bomb dropped: 7/3/10 separated: 7/15/10 H moved in to new apt. with OW: 7/1/11 divorced: 8/26/12
Well the weekend started off good but I've taken a turn for the worse. Took D out for our first ever Waverunner experience. We had a blast! H had previously asked if it was OK for her to spend the evening with him and spend the night at his place. He planned to bake a cake with her. I said no problem.
When H arrived, he asked to take HIS Dremel. That was a very odd choice of words and he used it TWICE so I know it wasn't an accident. It wasn't THE Dremel, it was HIS Dremel. It's not like he was a super handyman. We've both used the Dremel. I know it's a silly thing but it seemed a significant choice of words. Not once has he ever referred to anything in the house that way. Much as I didn't want it to, it still bothered me. Didn't MAJORLY bother me, but it kind of stung a bit. I'm also bothered by knowing that it bothered me. Need to keep working on the detachment. Then to top it off, one of my very good friends is moving up north. She stopped by this evening to say goodbye. It's hard because she's one of the few people who know my full situation (including my description of his MLC). She had a hard time understanding, but was supportive and that meant a lot. It's hard not having a support system to lean on. That's what makes this group so helpful. Then I spent the rest of the evening just watching a movie. But this was the first time ever that D has been away from me at night just to be with H. Kind of gave me a glimpse of a future I don't relish with possible house swapping for my D. So I've been teary off and on all night. Sometimes, reality just kind of hits you and you have no choice but to realize "Hells bells, this sucks!". I think sometimes I keep myself SO busy that I don't have time to truly breathe it all in. Now that I have, I have to say, it stinks.
"Love me when I least deserve it, for that is when I need it the most"
M18 Me39,H42 D16 Bomb 1/10 Moved out 3/10 OW 6/10 H wants to R,OW gone 11/10 H moves back 5/11 H wants to wear rings again 9/11
a picture came to mind of you vacuuming in 4 inch heels...and I don't even know what you look like! Girlfriend, I am 6 feet tall - can you imagine me in 4 inch heels. LOL! I would touch the ceiling!