Here's a story...of a very sad lady

[babh]

I've been lurking around reading posts to try to make sense of all this. I moved over the weekend, got an apartment of my own, just me, dog and cat. Saving graces they are!:) I have so many good days, and then bam I remember something or go somewhere that we did or brings back a memory. It's only been almost two months, but it seems like forever. H has told me all the same things, don't love you, haven't loved you for many years, I don't want to be married. In thinking back, he has changed in the last 3-4 years, but it was subtle, and there has been a lot going on in that time. S moved out, and became a parent himself, parents have died, parents have become seriously ill and needed us. I just didn't see it. It's MLC, and now an affair also. He says he's not happy, just settled into a new routine. I kicked him out, couldn't stand the lies and wavering, he didn't want to go, but felt he needed to...etc. I didn't want the house, and mistakenly thought he would come back. It was an EA to begin with, and have no proof that it's PA now, but will assume so, blinders are off at this point.

I only know that you have all helped me to see so many things. I was so confused, and wish that I had found this site earlier, in the begining. It's so great to read about all the experiences, and see the similarities. I'm so glad that I did finally find it. My friends all say to forget about him, and all this, and to move on, and gee that's the only thing to do. Well, that's an easier said than done thing. H calls me, once a week, and talks no longer than 3-5 minutes, and always during work, never in the evenings. And since no young children, it's all about what he's doing. Oh sure, he always says I just called to see how you are doing, and then launches into himself. Sad, and I think those calls need to stop too. They seem pointless to me. I just think he also needs to let go. I don't call him anymore, and only when I need to email him. He went back to the house tonight for the first time since I left it Saturday. I'm sure he was ok with it, doesn't see it the same way as I did. He is "committed" to staying at a house sitting gig until the end of September, but he is now responsible for all the payments at the house, his currently location is very close to OW, it will be interesting how that all works out. He says he will still have to go and check on the house there, did I say my blinders were off??? And I was born at night, but not last night. He did break "tradition" and called me Saturday to see how the move went, not sure about the reasoning there, the rest of the conversation was about him and what he's doing. Very careful not to mention OW, him or me. But I know that she is still controlling his life. He has been to the lawyer, and is ready to file. I don't know if he did or not, and will find out in the mail one day I'm sure.

I try to have hope, but then I get too hopeful. It seems I haven't found that happy medium point yet. I hope that comes soon! Keep up the good work all, there are others out here lurking and reading, and getting lots of good insight into things, and how to handle them. Thank you all!!