Not sure where to start, or end. WAW?

[TimeHeals]

2. Be awesome super interesting non-wimp John. Assertive. Confident. Attractive.

Since you are going through with this... don't forget strong & charming where appropriate.

Leave obsequious and supplicating off at the soup kitchen.

[john28]

She just called for daily S4 talk. After that was done conversation went like this:

W: Hey, how you doing?
M: Good. How are you?
W: Good, we just got back from swimming, blah blah blah blah blah, where are you at?
M: I'm at home.
W: Do you want get a late night snack with us?
M: Hmm... I don't know.
W: Oh, forgot to tell you blah blah blah blah, was thinking that when we see you tomorrow we could talk about strangers, etc, blah blah blah.
M: yeah, sounds good.
W: So, do you want to see us?
M: I would really like to see S4.
*pause*
W: But you don't want to see me. Ok, I get it.
M: It's not necessarily that.
W: No, I get it. You don't want to see me. I was doing this for your benefit, not mine.
M: I understand.
W: So, I guess we'll see you tomorrow.
M: What time is good?
W: Whenever, just give me a call when you're coming.
M: Ok. I'll call tomorrow.
W: Ok see you tomorrow, bye. (agitated)

She's pissed off at me because I don't want to see her. I could feel it. She was agitated. She also made it VERY clear that this was for ME and not for HER.

Hmm.

Is this good or bad? I'm not sure.



Oh, and while I was writing this, she called me AGAIN. I picked up. She was chipper and in a good mood on the phone (like what, 5 minutes later?)

W: Just wanted to tell you a few things while I was thinking about it.
M: Ok.
W: Do you have my gps?
M: Yes.
W: Can you bring that tomorrow? And also can you blah blah blah bring blah blah blah?
M: Yes.
W: Oh. Hmmmmm....... Ok. I think that was it.
M: Ok, goodnight.
W: See you tomorrow, goodnight.

I wonder if she is going CRAZY since I'm not doing more of the same, i.e.- staying on the phone, pursuing her, calling her.

Good or bad?

[ris]

Why would she be upset that you don't want to see her if it's just "for you"?

[john28]

Why would she be upset that you don't want to see her if it's just "for you"?

Either:
a) Because she was trying to do something nice for me and I didn't appreciate it or accept it.
b) She is pissed I'm distancing myself from her

Not sure which. Probably a little of both.

[Coach]

Because mrs J does what works. She will keep j in line using these tactics until they stop working. Don't tell J he won't get it anyway.

[john28]

Because mrs J does what works. She will keep j in line using these tactics until they stop working. Don't tell J he won't get it anyway.

Ahh. Good one Coach, I'm not looking at the bigger picture. Just this little snipit of a situation.

And I think you are saying, "Don't tell John that I'm doing these things to keep him in line, he won't get it anyway?"

Or was that "John doesn't get it."

[TimeHeals]

W: Just wanted to tell you a few things while I was thinking about it.
M: Ok.
W: Do you have my gps?
M: Yes.
W: Can you bring that tomorrow? And also can you blah blah blah bring blah blah blah?
M: Yes.
W: Oh. Hmmmmm....... Ok. I think that was it.

I think you shouldn't have answered the phone.

W is mad because J doesn't say he wants to see her.

W calls back to give J additional tasks to do for her.

W is happy with things returning to the way they have been going up until now.

[robx]

bro 80 pages into your thread,
what real progress have you made if any?

Not busting your hump,
but seriously, what progress have you made doing what you've been doing?

I mean real progress,
not stuff like "she calls me on the phone to say Hi.... and stuff"

You're 28 and she's 24, she hooked up with the latest OM that was 21, wow at least he was old enough to drink & vote.... You are way too young to have to be suffering through this crap.

She has cheated on you several times and you keep wanting her, maybe the problem isn't so much with her, maybe its with you.

Do you enjoy hurting yourself?

She moved out almost 2 weeks ago, that's a positive in your situation, you really need a break from her.

She dropped the "bomb" on you on father's day of all days?
Are you serious?
And you still want this person back?
What is it she does for you that is so special?
No regular sex, I'm thinking poor communication, not a great friendship, probably no common hobbies/activities, etc.

Do you just want to be with her for the sake of the kid?

It's ok to be honest, a lot of people think that's the best thing to do.

What example are you setting for your son?
Do you want him to be in a relationship like this when he's your age, 20 some odd years from now?

Do you consider yourself valuable?
Or do you have low self esteem?

I have read 80 pages of abuse and her dangling a carrot in front of you, just out of your reach so that you never get a bite. Let me know when this is getting old.

Divorce busting isn't just about stopping a divorce.
It's about personal development, recognizing the real faults and poor habits that you have and seeing what you can do to improve & fix them, not for your WAS, but for you.

[dsh4320]

shoot I thought I was reading Rob on my thread,,,, oops!!!!

[john28]

bro 80 pages into your thread,
what real progress have you made if any?

Not busting your hump,
but seriously, what progress have you made doing what you've been doing?

I mean real progress,
not stuff like "she calls me on the phone to say Hi.... and stuff"

You're 28 and she's 24, she hooked up with the latest OM that was 21, wow at least he was old enough to drink & vote.... You are way too young to have to be suffering through this crap.

She has cheated on you several times and you keep wanting her, maybe the problem isn't so much with her, maybe its with you.

Do you enjoy hurting yourself?

She moved out almost 2 weeks ago, that's a positive in your situation, you really need a break from her.

She dropped the "bomb" on you on father's day of all days?
Are you serious?
And you still want this person back?
What is it she does for you that is so special?
No regular sex, I'm thinking poor communication, not a great friendship, probably no common hobbies/activities, etc.

Do you just want to be with her for the sake of the kid?

It's ok to be honest, a lot of people think that's the best thing to do.

What example are you setting for your son?
Do you want him to be in a relationship like this when he's your age, 20 some odd years from now?

Do you consider yourself valuable?
Or do you have low self esteem?

I have read 80 pages of abuse and her dangling a carrot in front of you, just out of your reach so that you never get a bite. Let me know when this is getting old.

Divorce busting isn't just about stopping a divorce.
It's about personal development, recognizing the real faults and poor habits that you have and seeing what you can do to improve & fix them, not for your WAS, but for you.

Damn, Rob.
Damn.
That's a lot to think about.
A lot.

But, at a core you're right.

That's painful to admit.

I love her. I do. I love lots about her. Do I want to be with her for sake of the kid? Probably. Is that the only reason? No. Can I define those other reasons? I don't know.

No regular sex, I'm thinking poor communication, not a great friendship, probably no common hobbies/activities, etc.

Regular sex? Yes. Good sex? I settled for less than good sex alot of times
Poor communication? Hell yes.
Great friendship? Yes.
No common hobbies/activities? No. We're share lots of things together.

You're right. 80 pages in, and I show zero progress. Natta. Zilch.

Do I consider myself valuable? Not in my R. In my work/friends/everything else... yes.

Thanks bro. I needed this.

Time to go back to the drawing board.

Ultimately, I do want to be with my W because of our kid. That's what's guiding me in all of this. After stepping back, reflecting, and understanding our R, I don't like it all where it is or has been. I want something different.