cheated on, lied to, and now I am moving on

[awest1217]

So more craziness from H. Today he text me during work to ask if I would be his emergency contact and then asked for my ssn for insurance. I text back ok on the emergency contact (more of him not wanting people to know or is it that he has no one? Who knows?) and that he should take me off the insurance since we will be D'd soon. He said ok, but said he still needed it.

Being that I have been on the boards and know not to get sucked in to anything (although I think more and more that H is so immature that he wouldn't do anything), I called my brother who does insurance to ask if it is normal to need the ssn of someone when they are being taken off the insurance. He said no, and H shouldn't even need it if he was renewing because the insurance company already has it. Anyway S talked to H today so H and I talked for about 10 minutes and at the end he asked again for the ssn. I said no, and he asked why. I told him to be honest I don't trust you. I told him that I don't see why that the company would need my ssn if I was being taken off. We will no longer be married soon so there is no point. He said that he is just doing what he was told by their insurance person, but I said if they need it to have them call me. I later text him to say sorry for being harsh, but I don't give my personal information to just anyone when I don't feel it is right, and he said he understood.

Just really weird stuff going on. My gut is telling me he is trying to hold on to me. For what reason, I don't know...he still loves me? he and OW are over? It is just all weird. A lot is weird, but we will have to talk about D stuff before we actually D so I will ask him again just like I have every other time if this is what he still wants and if he doesn't to let me know because we can postpone it to try MC, but I know he won't say he wants to try so it is more just me knowing I have tried everything. I am just so scared he is going to be like my friend's H and like H's brother with his xgirlfriend. I am scared H will keep wanting to be "friends" or just keep trying to hold on to me even when we are D'd and destroy any chance at a new R.

I am not dwelling on any of this, but more getting out what I am thinking right now.

Felt a lot better today during the day, but my nose is slightly stuffy tonight. HOpefully I am on the up swing. Plus cooler weather is on the way and finally some RAIN!