How should I handle MLC direct lying?

[amg2]

Well I'm not trying to push this onto anyone else, but personally I believe I will one day face God and need to be able to look Him in the eye for the way I handle this. I'm a religous person, but I wouldn't call myself fanatical or extreme. It's just that I stood in a church and took vows and meant them. As a matter of fact, 3 years ago after two of H's infidelities, we stood in a church again and renewed our vows.

But, I also know that life is short and I'm in an incredibly negative situation that doesn't seem to be getting better. And I'm not even sure I can imagine any way it would get better. Sometimes I think that since H so severely violated our vows, so many times, and isn't healthy and doesn't seem to WANT to get better, that I have a right to leave. Like any illness that a person might refuse to treat: alcoholism, drug addiction, mental illnes, etc.

I've never been what I'd call "standing". More like "hanging around". And I'm feeling pretty fed up with that. I MIGHT want to be free to pursue who/what I want. And that certainly includes a healthy relationship w a healthy person. I no longer NEED any relationship. But I've made tons of progress on myself and would like to have a relationship with a "man", instead of the non-relationship I seem to have with my husband who acts and now dresses like a "boy". I have very little respect for him.

I just wish I knew how to tell if I'm really done or just going through a phase.