On two ends of the world..

[pinhead]

Be catlike. My kittens sure as hell don't come running unless I'm pouring food in their bowl. They take what they want, and when they're done being petted, the leave...

[ris]

Thank you! I don't have a cat and never had one... I suppose I have a general idea how they behave but I'm coming up short on practical examples :P

[pinhead]

Hmm. Cats never come when called, except for food, and an enticing, seductive toy. Basically you have to tease a cat to get them to play, and once they're bored, BOOM, they're off chasing a dustball.

[ris]

So it's basically non-pursuit and trying to get him make an effort to keep me interested?

[TimeHeals]

So it's basically non-pursuit and trying to get him make an effort to keep me interested?

Look, I don't know much, but arguing with each other about your feelings (e.g. trying to change the way the other feels) isn't working.

So... there's this neat trick we can all do: we can be happy and take charge of our own happiness. I say enjoy the things you like, do little things that will make your life better in the near future, don't sweat the small stuff, and it sure can't hurt anything.

Cats can also be happy sleeping on a pillow or playing with a piece of string in a distant part of the house

[ris]

That's a great point TH. I think I need to pick my battles more selectively and sooner in the conversation.

[ris]

Okay, so me and H haven't talked since that famous fight (Saturday morning). Should I extend an olive branch or am I waiting for him to make the first move? I feel like a high schooler with this waiting game.

[FindingMyVoice]

Oh hi ris, great to see what good advice you're getting from Time. For what it's worth, I'd say do whatever you WOULDN'T normally do; ie try a 180.

[ris]

I'm having trouble figuring out what I WOULDN'T do because in the past I tried: emailing him something funny and not mentioning the fight, writing him an email addressing the issue, giving small hints that it's ok for him to talk to me (like commenting on his FB status, etc), exhibiting as much as possible that I'm doing just fine or not doing anything at all until he finally talked to me himself.

I feel like I tried the whole spectrum of options and I can't even say that one worked better than others, it all depended on the situation. So I'm just sort of out of ideas.

[ris]

You know what? Sometimes I just really want to ask my H why the hell did he want to marry me if he's tip toeing around living together so much. And I just want to tell him that if he doesn't want me to come there and live with him then F*** it. I'm sick of it. I want someone to want me there, not to say "Well okay, if you have to.... then sure come over". I don't want him to have to patiently endure living with me.