Why are you afraid of him being happy. Is he the only one that makes YOU happy? Here is good place for you to begin to look at. Why did you expect HIM to MAKE YOU HAPPY? Is he not entitled to his own happiness? Are you not? Unconditional love...we say we love but we have an expectation. Does unconditional love mean that you agree with all of his actions? NO. It really means that you respect and love him enough to really let him figure this chit out on his own. All the time...you are figuring your stuff out, which is very difficult when all you think of is him.
This is a hard piece for me Eric. I probably am afraid of him being happy WITH someone else. No he is not the only one that makes me happy - but he is the one I committed / chose to love. I don't understand why he won't do the same. I started looking in that mirror and at our M from a different perspective 3 years ago when the As started. EAs at first then PAs. I had to own up to my own things - behaviors he perceived as disrespectful or destructive. I have worked hard and changed a lot of these things over the past 3 years. I have done a lot of work - made noticeable changes that friends and family acknowledge. I sit here today probably more deeply devastated because of that work I did. I have NO regrets about those changes and I feel good about the sacrifices I made to stay in my M. Maybe that's why I'm struggling so much with the mirror. Where do I go now?
Punkin - I know that you are right. It is a BAD day - these feelings have just overwhelmed me.
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
