You are trying to "thing" yourself through this. It is normal.
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at what point can I say HE did TERRIBLE things to ME and I DIDN'T DESERVE it.
When you feel like saying it. IB...Once you really detach and by this I mean stop looking at everything that he does, everything he says, every little look he give you, everything about HIM - then you will begin to focus on YOU.
So what is this...what is the focus. First off, everyone is different. LEt me ask you a few questions....
Do you think that what your H is doing is wrong? If so, why?
Do you think that he does not have any remorse over what he has done? Why?
Can you step back and look at the M from a different perspective? What do YOU see when you do this.
As usual, I will get a little personal...once i really began to detach I realized how much damage I did in the M. For example, did I really value her opinion? I mean seriously did i? Did I give her the space she needed to be an individual? Did i validate her concerns/issues? You see all of my questions were about MYSELF...yes she was part of the question but really I wanted to understand more about me.
None of this you can "think" through...you really have to just feel it..walk through it...go through it.
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I'm afraid that my story will be the one that ends with HIM being so much happier in another relationship
Why are you afraid of him being happy. Is he the only one that makes YOU happy? Here is good place for you to begin to look at. Why did you expect HIM to MAKE YOU HAPPY? Is he not entitled to his own happiness? Are you not? Unconditional love...we say we love but we have an expectation. Does unconditional love mean that you agree with all of his actions? NO. It really means that you respect and love him enough to really let him figure this chit out on his own. All the time...you are figuring your stuff out, which is very difficult when all you think of is him.
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I will end up ALONE and UNLOVED!
This screams lack of self esteem and confidence. Why do you think you will be alone? Remember if you read my thread I have felt the same way. Know what... neither you or I know what the future brings. Think about what he was attracted to when you first met. Better yet...think about what YOU would find most attractive in someone...I bet some of it is self esteem and confidence. You seemed to have lost yours. FTR - I really get it...may do I. I lost mine for a while. It is normal. Well now, IB it is time for you to find it....find it for yourself...find it for you emotional well being...once you find it...He just may see it and want to come back.
This is a long process IB...
You were not wrong about your M. There was love - stop doubting yourself....let YOU and HIM go...
Dig IB...don't be afraid...be honest with yourself...brutly honest...all the answers to your question about YOU are in YOU...Dig...dig...dig...
You can do this...you don't see what I see in you... Your hurt...but your surviving. Your confused yet you are searching. Patience honey...patience...it will come.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
