My New LBS Reality

[irishblessings]

Gritt and SA -- thanks for the wake-up call. I really don't know why I can't seem to push through this. I've tried to do everything right and I think maybe I'm trying too hard to do certain things right and avoiding the mirror work. The mirror work is more exhausting than the day to day. I often feel like I don't even know how to begin the mirror work. I read / I journal and try to find answers but I never seem to be able to translate things into action. I am SO SAD about what has happened and I keep getting stuck in the grief. Fortunately, I haven't backslid into any R pursuit or R talks with H. I just feel flattened by what he has done. I always take responsibility for everything - at what point can I say HE did TERRIBLE things to ME and I DIDN'T DESERVE it. Is it awful that I want him to feel regrets (he doesn't) - remorse (he doesn't) - how is it that time after time he cheated with wh*res and he said he didn't have remorse because he was so unhappy. I'm afraid that my story will be the one that ends with HIM being so much happier in another relationship (proving he was right all along) and I will end up ALONE and UNLOVED! How can I and most everyone around me have thought we had a great love, friendship, family and life and yet he be so convinced it was always wrong?

I need HELP!