Beyond Depression..but still a losing battle?

[Lucky11too]

So just got back from lunch with H. On Sunday, b/c he had to run off so quickly, he said he wanted to do lunch with me (originally Monday, but then it got pushed to Tuesday). We had a great hour lunch talking. It's good b/c it feels like a lot of giving on both sides. He doesn't make it all about him and I don't make it all about me. He asked about me and work, so I was able to share about that, and he shared about some of the things going on in his life. In exciting news, they got approved to post the listing for the new place (I guess it's an old requirement that you have to post a notice for 30 days telling about the transfer of the liquor license, and if no complaints ["speak now or forever hold your peace" haha], then they get their liquor license and they get the place. H is careful not to get overly optimistic tho until it's truly final.) H is frustrated that he has to stay at the old place and put his 2 weeks notice in while his unexperienced uncles head into the new place, but it is what it is. Also hard for H is that he's taking a huge pay cut (almost half) to work at the new place. They don't get any money as owners until they can turn the place around and make a profit and then pay off any debts first. So it's definitely going to be even tighter for H for now, but at least he'll be so busy putting his time in at the new place, he won't have much time to spend money either. On the otherhand, in the future, if the place does well, they have the potential to make a lot of money. Interestingly, when we were talking about that, he said that that S and I at least would be able to afford to move back into our old house in a few years then. Huh? What does that mean? In my thinking, it we don't work out, I want to sell the place, since I can't continue to pay part of the monthly mortgage for a house I don't even live in. That might be a shocker to him when it becomes time to D, b/c we really haven't discussed the fate of the house yet.

Kind of funny, we had chinese food, so we got fortune cookies. His cookie said something about how he should listen to his friends as they would give him good advice to help the present situation. haha. funny. His response, "I don't have any friends". Oh please. Maybe that's true that he doesn't have any super close friends that he shares everything with (but does any guy??) but he definitely has his "buddies".

It's weird, I'm not really sure exactly how he sees me. I'm thinking now our R is definitely more close and intimate then just a friendship (I'm supposedly the only one he shares all his feelings with. I'm guessing that's true even if OW3 is in the picture still [I laid down the law about exactly what needed to happen with her but no way to check if he actually cut her out or not] but if so, I'm sure their R is probably more of a flirty R then a meanful one. Life is messy & I'm sure she wouldn't want to hear about his or vice versa. I know H has no patience for other people's drama). But on the otherhand, our R is definitely not a H/W R, but could it even be classified as b/f&g/f-ish? What makes a b/f&g/f R just that? He does make an effort to see me (not as often as I would want tho from a b/f but his work schedule limits that as well), he communicates often and asks daily how both S and I are doing, and he seems to truly care about what's happening with me and my life. And of course, we have the more intimate side of things too. And the thing is, this is all him. I have been anti-initiating for what, almost 2 months now? I'm responsive and loving, but besides that, there's not much going on from my end. I don't want to over-analyze it, but I am curiuos where H's brain is at regarding us tho. I guess it's hard not to be. But anyways, with the new place happening and with H being even busier, it's good that I'm used to and am OK with being without him. Between friends and S, I have more than enough to keep me busy!