FG - i am going to need some coaching. the paperwork is almost done. it needs some tweaking.

a little nervous, a little scared .. scared as in .. do i really have to talk to him? am i going to be eaten by wolves?
if not, it can't be that bad, right?
what's the worst thing that could happen? he'll d me?

btw, had the best time at squash yesterday.
7 guys and 1 girl (me).
having eating wings at a pub. we were celebrating the last day of the summer squash league. btw, i got carded at the pub.
i sat next to G4 (guy #4). he wanted to test out the IM apps on his iPhone4 so he added me to his buddy list and asked me to ping him. we talked about staying in shape. apparently he's got a six pack and a big dragon tattoo on his back. shocked .. so do i!! ok, i don't have a dragon tattoo but my abs are pretty defined.

h was home all night. he missed out on some great cardio, friends, wings, and beer. i didn't drink .. i was designated driver. but it was a lot of fun.

the 7 guys and 1 girl type gatherings was typical me pre-marriage.
i've said before, i've always been one of the guys. and no, i don't think any of them are interested in me. we just got together because we are friends and we needed food.
it's fun and not something that we do on a regular basis.
but i will be in contact with them during the regular season. we are going to organize our own games later this year. they are better players than me so to be invited to play, is great for me. you will only get better by playing with better players.

hanging out with my friends was something i didn't do during my m.
not because i was m but because h was somewhat of a loner and wasn't friendly.
he came off as being 'better than everyone else'. so nobody gravitated towards him. he didn't have many friends.
we wouldn't be invited to gatherings and if we were, he would not eat the food because he didn't know who made it or how it was made.
and if he ate the food, i would hear him talk endlessly of how bad the food was and how they served cheap stuff, etc.

what a downer. frown

i realize now that what held us back was him. not making plans, not going anywhere, not making friends, not having friends over ..

i used to play squash with my h and he would openly criticize me on the court about my positioning, footwork, etc. to the point where one person thought it was abusive. nobody stood up to say anything but it solidified his 'jerk' status among the other squash players.

life wasn't fun then. it's fun now. and i wish he could see that life can be fun. we shouldn't sit there and wait for the reaper to show up. to do that, you are wasting your life. life is too short.

dumped.