Probably not a good day to post but I'm going to throw "where I am" out there.
I am not satified with where I am in the process.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
(detachment is)..you are not emotionally affected by these actions even though the love still burns inside your heart for the WAS.
I am still attached. There is no doubt.
Whenever I work on ME and try to understand how I contributed to the state of the M, it makes me think about her and our interactions. Followed immediately by my remorse for not understanding my "issues" then as opposed to now. Which brings me to the sadness over where we are now; her choices; and the hurt she must have experienced that led her to be vulnerable to the A. She clearly felt that talking with me about the R was useless so she spoke to OM about it and down the slipperly slope to EA she went.
So, yes, there is blame I am accepting and regret I am feeling.
This does not absolve her of her decision or her actions.
Despite all the work I have put into all of this, I can see now that the underlying motive remains to be "saving the M and getting her back"
The work on ME now seems insincere; a secondary benefit.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Indifference is devoid of love or hate for the person. You just simply are no longer invested in the process or the outcome. It is often when DBer's have done a great deal of introspection, self-examination, and conducting a through autopsy of the M that they have reached the conclusion that being D is not a "sign of failure" but a necessary step for personal growth...
Indifference would be "DONE", correct?
Being NOT done, I am aiming for this VVVVVVVVVVV?
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Loving detachment is where one can convey that YOU are still present for support, but do not necessarily agree with the course of action and are not affected emotionally
(I've had about 15 interruptions so this may come off as disjointed)
Originally Posted By: Wonka
It is even good to get away from this site from time to time and focus on activities that bring you joy. For me, it is being on the golf course and hitting pimply balls that bring me utter joy.
I am quite sure I need a break from a lot of things. I am fairly confident that I am simply over-whelmed and over-stimulated right now. There has been a lot of conflicting behavior; conflicting and/or confusing (to me)opinion/advice in recent days. Now I am second-guessing everything.
My confidence is not where it needs to be.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
I think it is time for you to test the waters with W. Do you know for certain that she received a job offer with the other dealership? If yes, then I'd send her a congratulatory card. Nothing mushy...mind you! Something related to photography or Spanish/Mayan themes. That will induce a happy memory for W and will bring up positive feelings associated with these items.
There is some delay with the job. We had en exchange last week. When I left there, I had a lawyer send a couple of letters. Apparently, though the stautute of limitations is over, having my last name is causing her some grief. I don't know where it stands.
As far a sending something at this point, I'm not sure what to send (what memory); or whether it would not be a step back.
As I said, I am losing my drive and confidence right now.
I feel I need a break but not sure what to do in it's place.
I'm hoping that this is just the "impending Thursday Anniversary" talking.
And that little "grenade" isn't helping me.
Sorry to be losing my grip right now but I just am. Not a pity-party. Just really "lost".
I'm going to finish painting the decks tonight and sort some clothes. I have to fast until tomorrows blood tests. Hopefully, the work tonight will clear my head.
When you enter this part of the river (good analogy) things start to calm down a little bit.
Wonka is laying it out very nicely for you. The detachment process and then self realization and then self actualization.
They are all a process CD.
The calmness is giving me too much time to think (see "analyze")
Why am I having so much trouble detaching? Personally, trying to preserve "love" in the detachment is messing me up.
I'm trying to do all three stages at once.
Should I just stop everything? I can't be reading all this stuff on finding my core and correcting my issues if I'm not even close to being detached. Every corrective action is being geared to "saving the M and her"
Honestly, right now, I don't have a clue what I'm doing.
Should I just stop everything? I can't be reading all this stuff on finding my core and correcting my issues if I'm not even close to being detached. Every corrective action is being geared to "saving the M and her"
Honestly, right now, I don't have a clue what I'm doing.
You are having a mind static with over analysis and trying figure out if your left foot goes out in front of your right foot (or NOT!). This is a cue to take a break from this site for a while to get yourself grounded and head cleared.
"Class, it's time for recess. Proceed to the door slowly in one line and no pigtail pulling!" *eyeing Steady as in "don't even think about it" with Sunny*
When you enter this part of the river (good analogy) things start to calm down a little bit.
Wonka is laying it out very nicely for you. The detachment process and then self realization and then self actualization.
They are all a process CD.
The calmness is giving me too much time to think (see "analyze")
Why am I having so much trouble detaching? Personally, trying to preserve "love" in the detachment is messing me up.
I'm trying to do all three stages at once.
Should I just stop everything? I can't be reading all this stuff on finding my core and correcting my issues if I'm not even close to being detached. Every corrective action is being geared to "saving the M and her"
Honestly, right now, I don't have a clue what I'm doing.
Hello CD,
I'm catching up on your sitch, still have a lot of reading to do. You have some awesome support here! As you have helped me I'm going to try and support you as well. Thank you Friend and you are not alone.
