I just got out of this situation myself over the weekend.
My W blew-up on me in January, saying that she hadn't been happy for 10 years and listed all the reasons why, re-writing marital history along the way. When I asked her if she was saying she wanted to get divorced, she said no, she wanted to work on it, but that didn't mean she would NEVER want a divorce. I took that pretty hard and later learned that she told someone that she was planning to dovorce me 6 months down the road after she had "things in order". It also coincided with the kids getting out of school for the summer. I don't believe that she ever worked on fixing the marriage, although she claims she did. All she did was wait for her feeling for me to change and when they didn't, that was it.
Anyway, we lived together and I tried very hard to correct the issues she had with me and she even acknowledged that I had. Still, on June 6th, I asked her if she was planning to D me and kick me out of the house. She said she was going to D, but wanted to live together until it was final because we couldn't afford to live separately. She already had her divorce letter to me written-up and was planning to give it to me the next weekend. The MC that we went to see a couple of times suggested a trial separation in April, but I was scared to death of that. Looking back, that may have been the best thing for us.
I was very distraught until she actually went and filed. Then my attitude changed. I got advice from friends who had been through this before and I began to take decisive action regarding finances. Got my own bank account, canceled joint credit cards, started spending more time away from her. I began to think that perhaps a separation was the only thing that could save our relationship, if it could be saved at all. Only be experiencing what it would be like without OUR family could she ever appreciate what she had.
Since she refused to go back to work full-time, I started to push more regarding the sharing of bills. I also got more aggressive regarding her recently ended EA as time went on. Things in the house got more stressful, especially for her. It was tough seeing her everyday knowing that she wanted nothing to do with me.
When we got to our Hearing for a temporary divorce order, I learned that she no longer wanted to live together and wanted me out of the house. I got 3 weeks to find a place and move. I just spent my 2nd night in my new house, which is BEAUTIFUL, by the way. The first night was kind of tough, but last night was fine and I am doing well. Before I moved I felt that I would be relieved by getting out of the amrital home and I think I will be. It just may take a little time to get completely there.
MWD says that it is OK to tread water for a while in your marriage. As long as you aren't moving backwards, that is good. However, in my situation, with her having already filed for D and having a court date, the situation became untenable.
If no one has filed yet, it may pay to follow MWD's advice and stick with it, making changes along the way. For me, we were too far down the road. I don't know, this separation seems to be my only hope, as things weren't changing when we were together anyway.
