from the beginning to now

[norstar]

Over seas or not I am afraid if I do get a divorce I will lose my girls and that is not fair. I have been fighting to keep the marriage together by fighting the urge to have a PA due to lack of sex. I also have changed how I do some things not only for the benefit of the marriage but myself and my kids. But then she turns around and lyes about her ex boyfriend and how much they talked and what they talked about. I even confronted her on his comments to her on FB and she defended him and said I was over reacting. I put the keylogger on and watched in disbelief what they were talking about in PM's. Also how she blasted me on her MSSN (military spouse support network) site. I read her posts and started to believe I was really a bad guy. I mean down right evil. It was when I kept seeing "I am leaving him" comments, That I confronted her about what she had posted about me and what her and her ex were talking about IE I miss you and other such things.This was three monthes ago. She did take him off her FB and she doesn't get on FB anymore. She just started getting on her MSSN site a couple weeks ago and it makes me feel uneasy. in that three monthes things seem to get better and then just droped back to 4 monthes ago. I blew up and wanted to leave but she wouldn't let me leave with the kids. She even said tha a court don't care about the EA. I do have screen shots of the conversations. Part of me really does love and wants things to work out but part of me is afraid she will do it again.