Thinking about this a bit more, do you mean generally that the unhealthy thing going on is us doing "nice" things covertly for each other in terms of hoping to manipulate the other person's emotions towards us instead of being overt about inviting the other person to participate in together time with us in something we both enjoy doing (together)?
Not sure to whom you're directing that question, Busto, but no, that's not what I'm trying to convey. The distinctions I'm trying to make are more of AMPLITUDE than of CONTENT. Just to "go slow" and not "go all melty man" on her, as that tends to scare them off.
