Sandi's Place

[FindingMyVoice]

Dear Sandi,
I've been thinking of writing you for a while now, how to put into words the appreciation I felt for all your help and kind encouragement for your support this year. (I've changed my screen name recently, but I was 'Prairiegirl' when I first joined the boards in March). When I read in one of your posts about how your health troubles are making it harder for you to join the boards regularly, I realized the time is NOW! I'm sorry to hear of your troubles and am thinking good thoughts for you, for healing and strength.

My H and I were having great problems with communication and distance in our M, in part brought on by my troubles with low self-esteem and my resulting inability to express and share my feelings, thoughts and opinions, and to ask for help and support from him when I needed it.

You were so kind and offered me your time, concern and thoughtful insights - it meant a great deal to me and helped immensely. I think a turning point for me was when you shared your story about your sister's struggles with self esteem. That was one of the moments that enabled me to finally wake up and see what a serious problem I did have with it; and how important it was that I deal with it. So thank you again - I really appreciate that you shared something so personal with me from your own past, in efforts to help me.

I'm working hard now at learning to value my thoughts, feelings and ideas enough to share them with others. And to value my own life enough to do more than bury myself in the work that I used to use, to escape from my problems. With the help of the kind folks here on the board I've set myself a goal of running a 1/2 marathon next fall, and recently took my first day trip out of town alone to do some painting outside (I'm an artist). It was very freeing and exciting experience and it's giving me the courage and momentum to continue chasing my goals (rather than just chasing my H's attention all the time!)

Granted, I (and we) still have stumbling blocks and the tendency to slip back into old patterns. I'm learning that change takes a long time though; probably something we never stop. But that patience and compassion can take us a long way in accepting one another (and ourselves) as we continue to grow and make mistakes. I still have bouts of wondering if the M is healthy for both of us and can get very discouraged. But I seem to be asking for help more often when I feel like that now - whether it's from a friend, my IC or my H. And usually that help lifts my fears and I learn something new about how to cope, so I'm going to view that as progress.

I have also moments where I'm able to make a change for more connection in my M - for example, last night while out walking with my H, I was thinking to myself...almost feeling a little badly, because I'd never really heard my H tell me - out loud and in real words - how important I was to him. And then I quickly realized how silly, (and a little selfish) it was to feel badly about it, given that I had never said anything like that to him!! So before I could even think another thing I quickly turned to him and said "You know, you're really important to me.". And I didn't say it with any expectation that he'd say it back to me! The surprise on his face was delightful. And, a further delight was that he quickly leaned in to kiss me and said 'Well how nice to hear... you're very important to me too'.

So, I just wanted to share this update with you to let you know what a difference you've made in my life. (I even named my thread in Piecing, after the beautiful story you told me about marriage being like stitching together a quilt - I'll remember and treasure that story always.) I wish all the best for you and your family, and thank you again Sandi. Take care, Prairiegirl (aka FindingMyVoice).