Can a wise DBer tell me my best approach. Or someone that knows their way around these threads could direct someone over that may be able to help. I'm lost at this point.
You're going to have to consider that depression will play a factor in your DB efforts. You're focused on moving the R into intimacy. Your W is focused on the negative. Loving a depressed person takes the mindset of a saint--more giving than receiving until she comes out of it. You will need to have increased acceptance of what she can give at this time.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
Bobby, It sounds like she is being honest with you. Have some hope that things can eventually improve if the right steps and approach are taken. There is a connection there to work with. You'll have to improve your own patience.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
Bobby, I don't think you're going to be able to change her mind about things as quickly as you would like. Her mind is foggy from depression. She is guarded from being hurt again. She is not able to imagine a better future for the two of you. You will have to be hopeful for the both of you. Love her for who she is at this time. Work to maintain and increase platonic connection. This may begin to melt the ice.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
Thanks for your time CL. I'm going to try to be patient and expect nothing. If I expect nothing I can't be disapointed. I don't have anywhere to go right now so I have nothing to lose. Maybe be a good friend but start to detache from the emotional side.
Bobby, I think being a good friend is probably the best you can do at this time. Don't stay in the emotions if all they're doing is creating suffering. Others find it helpful to have creative expression of their emotions--writing, music, painting, poetry, dancing, psychotherapy. Find other parts of your life to focus on, after you've done what you can can for your W everyday.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
