Weren't you gung-ho about this marriage counselor? Pro-marriage. Bending over backwards in excitement. Now after 2 sessions it's not working? They stunk that bad?
Then you dump her and after taking with family you initiate sex?
You sound like a user.
"It doesn't change anything," It changes alot. It means you weren't serious about your statement to her.
Quote:
"I get it. You are not attracted to me and don't think you ever will be again. I understand. I wouldn't want to be with a woman I didn't feel the passion for either. I think it would be best for BOTH of us to move on. This won't work. It isn't fair to you to be with a man you feel like you feel for me. I finally get it."
And THEN let her go.
You let go for 2 hours. Now YOU have to maintain the passion or you are back to square one.
I had been to the counselor for two IC sessions as well. He's a good counselor, but he didn't have much to work with since W couldn't figure out what she wanted. We were just spinning our wheels there.
I didn't dump her.
And the sex. I was just holding her and trying to comfort her. And it happened. I didn't set out thinking "Oh, let's get some while we can."
I told her that MC wasn't working for us, and that I thought it best if we separate. I told her that I couldn't be in a relationship where the other person wasn't passionate about me;
A lot of confusing things going on there. But, I would consider mentioning separation and working out logistics, dumping someone.
Whats the plan for tonight? Whats the back up plan?
Don't let things stay confused - lead. Stay on script.
"I hope I didn't lead you on with the ML last night. Nothing has changed. Here is how we are going to handle the kids, money and housing........"
Stay in charge, she wants to know you are stronger and can decide things. She needs to come to you, she needs to say the LBS script to you.
Do you think we want to see you fail? Open your mind.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Yeah, I got defensive there. Steve's right, I took advantage of her being vulnerable. I was selfish. I know it does mean something, but it doesn't change things today. I need to make her understand that.
I told her that MC wasn't working for us, and that I thought it best if we separate. I told her that I couldn't be in a relationship where the other person wasn't passionate about me;
A lot of confusing things going on there. But, I would consider mentioning separation and working out logistics, dumping someone.
Whats the plan for tonight? Whats the back up plan?
I'm going to tell her that last night's ML was a natural mistake; that it doesn't change what we should do in the future. I'll talk about some of the logistics of her moving out, and rough timetables.
There is no backup plan. I can't keep swinging on this pendulum, and I can't keep doing it to her.
I'm going to tell her that last night's ML was a natural mistake
Say that and you are dead. Tell your wife ML was a mistake? Be very aware of your choice of words.
Tell her you had fun, that she's beautiful, she still does it for you but it doesn't change anything about what you have decided and then keep walking. Catnip.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
PH, you can use this separation to your and your W's advantage.
Just because you've asked her to leave DOESN'T mean you don't still go to MC. You can still do that.
I would suggest drawing up a controlled separation agreement with her. I've been thinking about that. It allows each person to focus on themselves without having to worry about what the other is doing. It sets clear expectations and boundaries.
This allows you to still LEAD the R. It allows you to let her focus on yourself and let her focus on herself. It doesn't shut the door to reconciliation, but it does put some boundaries in place.
You should read up on it and get some advice from others if this is a good idea or not. I'm not trying to read your mind, but from what you've said here you want a healthy loving M. By her feelings last night she is devastated and also wants a healthy loving M. You guys can't get that living under the same roof now.
----"Et tu, Brute?"---- me:28 W:24 S4 T:6 M:4 EA Exposed: 5/21/10 Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day) NC w/ OM: 7/10/10 W moved out 8/21/10 http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
I'm going to tell her that last night's ML was a natural mistake
Say that and you are dead. Tell your wife ML was a mistake? Be very aware of your choice of words.
Tell her you had fun, that she's beautiful, she still does it for you but it doesn't change anything about what you have decided and then keep walking. Catnip.
Doh. Sometimes I'm surprised that the opposite sex hasn't put a bounty out on my head.
Go over to neighbor's house or if you are at work ask one of your co-workers to slap you in the face as hard as they can then knee you in the nuts and when you are lying on the ground to step on your face until you cry "no more. please stop. please. please. please, it hurts."
Kinda how your wife will feel after she lets down one of her boundaries and you tell her its nothing. a mistake.
You want a passionate woman? You should be sending roses to her desk at work. and find that dessert bar, have some cake and talk about something other than logistics.
