I'm sorry you are hurting, and for what's going on in your family. After reading just the first 1/3rd or so of your sitch (I was going to say "the first few paragraphs, but you didn't USE any paragraph breaks, lol -- you may want to do that, as it'll make a long post like this much easier to read, and you'll get better response), I could smell an affair from a mile away. In fact, from the third or fourth sentence (about wanting you to get a vasectomy).
It's extremely likely that OM is who she was texting with at your friends' house, and who she wanted to go see, and when you took the keys from her, she whigged out far more than she would have than if it were truly just a female friend who she wanted to console.
This is the general advice I give to newcomers here, when they have a sitch such as yours:
"Puppy's Short Version, All-Inclusive Advice" for Waylayed Spouses Who Just Got Bombed"
1. Get proof (of whether or not there's OM/OW). Hint: There almost always is.
2. Do either:
2a. Aggressive affair-busting (see Allen A's posts over in Infidelity)
Those are the only two things I've seen work. If #1 turns up nothing, then proceed to #2b. And in the meantime, GAL your ass off, and become the better option. Best case, you'll attract them back, and at a minimum you'll become a better person that will be more attractive to SOMEBODY in your next relationship.
Puppy
Since you've already got ample confirmation that there is an affair going on here, your only real choice is "2a" vs. "2b." I'd suggest you follow the links provided, and see which seems more authentic to you, based upon your beliefs and values. I am a Christian too, but God DOES allow divorce in cases of adultery, and would certainly understand your doing the "letting her go" thing if that's what you had to do to protect yourself and your kids, I believe.
