She's in MLC, but I was weak. Now what?

[Truegritter]

And of course, W is watching and evaluating from her perch.

Stop framing what YOU do as how she will see it. That includes with the kids.

Do for YOU right now.

I'm trying to gain her perspective, I guess so I can see myself through her. It's a maddening process.

This is where you are off the track. Stop this.

There will come a day when this is ok to look at.

You are taking on your shoulders all the things YOU think she is thinking.

THAT is why it is maddening.

Look you are not detached. As long as you are thinking and feeling anger about her or OM and you feel bad after your interactions

You are not detached and you have to get there. It is your only hope.

Regardless of the outcome.

I am going to suggest that you are feeling like you are already beat and not caring what happens out of frustration.

Because you are not detached.

How do you do that?

I wore a rubber band and whenever I thought about things about W that upset me I'd snap it.

I wouldn't contact W and I went some 20+ days without ever comunicating with her until I knew I was detached.

That too is a process that will be tested throughout this.

It is hard because of the kids.

You may have to interact. But you CAN control how long and what you communicate about. You can set boundaries.

I want you to do something now.

Write down 5 things that describe the man you think are or aspire to be.

You don't have to write them here if you don't want to.

Then

Ask yourself how are my ACTIONS today aligning with that.

What am I doing to be that man?

Why am I not doing those things that I want to do?

What are you afraid of? What do you fear? What do you not like about YOU.

Not for your W.

For you.

Find that and kill it.