TBH I was wearing grubby sweats and a shirt so I was kinda like GREAT
You should have asked her if she would mind spotting for you while you did a few bench presses because she was interupting your workout
ROFL
It's funny cuz she was like "sorry" I didn't call first and she knocked. On top of this she didn't text either. Of course she looked HOT as hell and smelled good. Just freaking unbelievable how much of a test this is.
My W is 43 years old and is very fit. She's beautiful...always has been, and she doesn't look like she's a day over 30. I'm still hurting and man I see her and regardless of the BS, it's still a reminder of how I should have appreciated her more. Does this mean I'm going to breakdown and chase her or text her or tell her how beautiful she is? HELL NO. It's just a shame that it had to come to this point to wake my ass up. It doesn't excuse her actions but DAMN "You really don't know what you have til it's gone".
I'm almost thinking it might be worth it to just finally pull the I'm done speech(with meaning this time). Just so I can move on completely. All this GAL and fixing myself just gets side tracked sometimes with all her text's and calls(now), and then seeing her again. I mean, I'm no where near the level of Robx confidence, but I don't want to be hanging on with even a little hope anymore. Out there is SOMEBODY that will appreciate my changes and will show me the love I need.
There are a lot, and I MEAN A LOT, of beautiful Women out there...I know that know matter what, when I'm where I need to be, I'll find another. However, it's truly hard to give up, when you really love the one you "were" with.
I say this here so I don't F up and tell her this sh!t.
It's creating some "squirrel moves" on her part but, most importantly, it IS WORKING FOR YOU!!!!
You feel better; you look better; you sound better; you are getting your confidence back!!
It's ALL GOOD!!
And you have the right attitude. Completely non-pursuing. Yeah, she looks great but you're starting to see the light.
Is she REALLY what I want? This appears to me to be the critical junction where the LBS becomes the WAS. You are now more concerned with YOUR life than hers. AND you are beginning to see the goodness that life has to offer.
You are doing great, my friend. Keep on the path you are on and don't stop or wait for anything or anyone.
If they want to be with you, they have a lot of catching up to do!!
Don't expect this bhvr to continue on her part or be disappointed when it stops. It's part of the squirrel moves.
Don't change what you are doing. You keep moving away. She'll have to follow or get left behind. And you are fine either way.
It's creating some "squirrel moves" on her part but, most importantly, it IS WORKING FOR YOU!!!!
You feel better; you look better; you sound better; you are getting your confidence back!!
It's ALL GOOD!!
And you have the right attitude. Completely non-pursuing. Yeah, she looks great but you're starting to see the light.
Is she REALLY what I want? This appears to me to be the critical junction where the LBS becomes the WAS. You are now more concerned with YOUR life than hers. AND you are beginning to see the goodness that life has to offer.
You are doing great, my friend. Keep on the path you are on and don't stop or wait for anything or anyone.
If they want to be with you, they have a lot of catching up to do!!
Don't expect this bhvr to continue on her part or be disappointed when it stops. It's part of the squirrel moves.
Don't change what you are doing. You keep moving away. She'll have to follow or get left behind. And you are fine either way.
CD, thank you for showing up! Sincerely!
I don't know what to do...I'm here right now later and longer than I want to be.
Weakness...She threw me for a loop....Squirrel ran up to my hand and ran away IMO. What is this? I can't see her anymore...Not because I don't want to, but because of the feelings it brings. This happened way too fast!
I see her, I want her, but I'm not stupid enough to chase. Why am I doing this anymore?
Please note, this moment of weakness will pass...I'm fully aware of the path I keep treading...but when do I accept or STOP the path?
At what point do I endure or Let go(and I mean Let go). Obviously what I'm doing is triggering this effect. I love her and don't want to lose her, but I don't want to turn into the sad sack that keeps "hanging" on either.
Let her go...Let her go...I GET IT...but when do you say enough is enough and just say F it.
How long do you endure this, when she's already made her choice. I'm too old for games and life is too short to wait.
My pleasure to be here. I'm watching you do what I'm trying to do.
We're both going to pass each other repeatedly in the process. Me ahead, them you ahead. You see something working; then maybe my turn.
I'm going to try to adress your "intense"post all at once.
Originally Posted By: FaithnAK
Weakness...She threw me for a loop....
Squirrel ran up to my hand and ran away IMO.
What is this?
I can't see her anymore...Not because I don't want to, but because of the feelings it brings.
This happened way too fast!
I see her, I want her, but...
I'm not stupid enough to chase.
Why am I doing this anymore?
Please note, this moment of weakness will pass...I'm fully aware of the path I keep treading...
but when do I accept or STOP the path?
At what point do I endure or Let go(and I mean Let go).
Obviously what I'm doing is triggering this effect.
I love her and don't want to lose her,but...
I don't want to turn into the sad sack that keeps "hanging" on either.
Let her go...Let her go...I GET IT...
...but when do you say enough is enough and just say F it. How long do you endure this, when she's already made her choice.
I'm too old for games and life is too short to wait
I thought if you addressed you lines one at a time you might see it differently.
Read through the above as separate sentences.
This is what I see from "outside the forest"
How many lines are "incomplete detachment" How many are 'fear' you aren't done YOUR work yet? How many are OLD feelings? How many are impatience and frustration? How many are based in anger/resentment? How many are understanding where you are in this process? How many would you NOT have noticed two weeks ago? Progress?
You need more space to get your thoughts together. You need to understand those feelings. They are old throwbacks. You need enough space and self-understanding to really see if those are REAL or MEMOREX feelings. Are they automatic or authentic?
Regarding you central theme of "when do I quit?"
What you need to ask yourself is what others continually ask of me:
What kind of man are you if you abandon all value in your vows to youself and your wife?
How different will you be if you cut and run because you are tired of "the battle"? Isn't that what she did?
Your questions about "when do I bail" are coming from frustration; anger; betrayal and impatience. Where is your love? Where is your empathy?
These are HARD questions. If you "quit" on your marriage and her, doesn't that confirm to her that you didn't love her and she DID make the right choice to leave?
Nottrying to be a jerk to you but I can see the same attitudes that I see every so oftenin my own posts.
You and I are both better than this.
We have to do what WE have to do for ourselves so that WE don't do the same things again in our next relationships. I am NOT going through this again, EVER. I need the skillsets and coping skills to prevent the deterioration of my next R. I need the self analysis and the boundaries to preserve MYSELF in the next R because "that guy" is important to ME and HER. THAT's who she fell in love with. And I need to CONTINUALLY be aware of my old patterns and NEVER let myself slide into dysfunction or taking her for granted.
The more I know about my values, needs, wants and capacities, the better I will be able to DECIDE who my next partner is.
And ALL of these discoveries and motivations are based in LOVE; not in spite of or in reaction to someone else.
I am learnig how to love properly. Loving myself and "the other". They are coming from a "kind" place. An understanding place. And I need to forgive myself to do that. Which requires that I forgive her and accept that she has made decisions I don't agree with. But she is free to make them.
And so are you. Her decisions weren't based in self-discovery or compassion or empathy or love. Don't follow her lead.
YOU LEAD!! Maybe she'll follow your example. Maybe not.
But you already see that there are opportunities for you as you learn more about you and rediscover the man she fell in love with. You got the opportunity (that she thrust upon you) to learn these things. Are you going to deny her the same opportunity?
Live your life. Do as you are doing. You are on the right path. If she wants to follow, she will. If not, you will find someone to be with without having to abandon her first. The hurt feelings that you use to "eject her" will follow you.
And you don't need that baggage.
That's how I am beginning to see things.
I don't like what my W did either. I hurt from her betrayal, too. I still see glimmers of the girl I married. But I'm not going to abandon my personal values and commitments to make myself feel better by hooking up with someone else or abandoning her to her consequences. That would be vengeful. I'm not that person.
I am above that. I believe you are, too.
You'll know when you are 'done'. And you aren't there. IMO.
What kind of man are you if you abandon all value in your vows to youself and your wife?
How different will you be if you cut and run because you are tired of "the battle"? Isn't that what she did?
Your questions about "when do I bail" are coming from frustration; anger; betrayal and impatience. Where is your love? Where is your empathy?
These are HARD questions. If you "quit" on your marriage and her, doesn't that confirm to her that you didn't love her and she DID make the right choice to leave?
Nottrying to be a jerk to you but I can see the same attitudes that I see every so oftenin my own posts.
I think these words were burnt-in to my memory last night. You're so right. Good grief my feelings last night came out of nowhere. I was happy and just doing my thing and then they hit me like a truck.
You are not a jerk in any way. You're real and keeping it that way. I really appreciate the feedback and just so you know I'm not ignoring any advice given. In fact, as last night showed, I'm sure I'm going to need it again.
Glad it helped. Now if only I could get these things burnt into MY BRAIN!!
I'm only up to pg 6 on your post. However, your doing just fine. You have some serious power support too and like you said, you and I are running neck and neck right now on our GAL and detaching. It's really tough from our POV to SEE in the forest, so to have someone else add their insight is a must.
