New Thread - Same Sitch

[steady]

Just an update. Since getting back on track and making this all about me again, instead of about H's reaction (or non-reaction) to me, I've been very busy the past few days!

Excellent.

H got home from his business trip last night. As I posted on CD's thread, H being home has been OK. He has shown more affection since coming home last night than in awhile! Don’t worry: not taking that as a huge sign and abandoning previous position… just making mental note. Nothing great or over the top – no “I love you” or big, sloppy kiss. Got a warm hug and a few quick kisses and a thank you for fixing dinner, and an affectionate touch of my hair - which are all more than I’d gotten before. So, I’m cautiously optimistic that there’s improvement in H’s mindset.

It's like I was told a hundred times. Don't put any meaning to it. Just take it for exactly what it is at the moment. A time in a day where he was being more affectionate than usual. That's it. Don't project forward. It is just this - a period of time when he was acting different than he had been. Period.

I’m remembering my ultimate goal though, which is that H has to become a man of integrity, not just a man who wants back in the M!

Make sure you keep your eye on this ball. For some people they work so hard to turn their spouse around, when it happens it's like it catches them with their pants down. Now What???

I once had a girlfriend who was interested in another guy. Well I talked to him and got him to back off. It worked. First time I was with her after that I was sitting in her bedroom thinking, "WTF? This doesn't feel right at all. I got up, looked her in the eye and wished her luck. Told her I didn't want it this way." Then I left. I was so busy working to get her back I didn't even bother to look at what it might be when I did.

The problem with the new affection progress is this: it confuses me further on how to be with H. It was part of my goals set in earlier DBing - that H hug/kiss me and show affection that is not just because he wants sex. Another being for him to say ILY, of course. Since he has done part of that, I feel I can up my positivity towards him. At this point I have been just trying to match his level of interest/affection.

I think matching is perfect. You'll know if you can add a little nudge. Too little he might interpret as rejection, too much as pursuing. But I think there's a fine line with playing a bit 'hard to get' to trigger some more attraction. I'll leave that up to some of the pro's with more experience in that area.

However, I did make his favorite dinner for when he came home last night. Didn't do it because I thought it would make him happy, mind you... I did it because no matter how he reacted, I wanted to make a positive gesture that I initiated just to see how it would go. I was prepared if he showed no reaction. It was kind of a 180 for me because the past few months I have initiated nothing as far as doing something "special" for H.

But you were hoping it would make him happy . Nothing wrong with that as long as you were willing to embrace whichever way it went. Nice gestures are a good thing. I don't recommend them when being treated like a doormat.

It's a nice 180 for you.