Long time no talk. It's been a while since I posted. I'm not even sure if my old thread "time for me to fly" is accessible any more. Nevertheless, it's time for a new thread at some point, in piecing.
I hope you don't mind me stealing a chunk of your thread, but I needed to express myself here on this BB without a new public thread and I didn't think you would mind.
You see dear, my WAW decided 2 days ago (3 days before our court mediation date), that she wanted to call the whole D off. This came on the heels of a week long trip to London England I took for work, AND, a 2 month binge of staying out very late (like every night of the week) and dating some of the most beatiful women I had ever laid eyes on.
Now the point of the dating was not even to save my M, I truly thought it was over and I was moving on. I know we talked about the dating thing and the pros and cons, and I certainly understand the complications involved; however, I do think that combined with moving on, acting as if, and completely and totally detaching really made the difference.
Only one small problem. Now that my W wants back, I am not so sure. I have definately become the WA in a MLC with another very good friend that I will need to break off with as we move forward to piecing.
So why am I writing you all this? Not sure, but I knonw i have to talk about it somewhere. The D case has been dropped, and right now we have decided to do the "wait and see" thing we spoke of months ago. Only this time it will be without the D hanging over our heads.
The thing is I dont wan't anything to do with our old R. Since moving on I have become such a different person with the help of both DB and my new hobby of hypnosis and seduction. So how does one bury an old 15 yr R and start a totally new one as Michelle suggests is possible? Also how does one put an end to a very good friendship with OW that has entered the picture?
Perhaps some WA's can help me as the tables have been turned around a bit. I was starting to look forward to a single lifestyle, and then I get a different sort of bomb dropped "she wants to stop the D". Instead of being thrilled like I would have bee 4 months ago, I was a bit dissappointed. Is this normal, or am I crazy and confused by the by product of dating? how do I sort this out and be able to use it to help others?
Anyways, thanks for letting me hog your thread for a while Sage. i do susspect I will start a new thread here in pcg. once I get my thoughts straight, and we decide what kind of R we want. Several things have been discussed like actualoly working on the M, Not working on the M and just living together married separated, to actually having other R's. Sounds crazy, but I do think we both want fufilling r's w/each other. It may just take some time to see, once all the dust settles and any other issues and R's are diffussed.
Puck...I haven't even read your post to me yet but wanted to say OMG...I was just thinking about you last night! it's weird...you popped into my head and I thought "jeez...I wonder how he is!" totally weird!
OK...gotta go read...
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
I wondered where you went old friend!Gosh I've missed you! Wow! I know right now you are not sure, but I read between the lines, WOOHOO, you can do it! Now get a thread started you belong here!
Now, when you drop the rope, see what happens, your S wants you back. So here we go! SLowly, puck. Start doing things with your wife, date. Be a family! You are one lucky guy! Odga, his wife actually went through and got a D. And hey they are reconnecting!It's not too late! And even though you have those doubts, I also see you want to try. So give it a try, and watch, you'll fall for HER all over again!
We all seem to be continuous self improvement projects and from all you read and do, I would take you as a goal oriented person. Do you have goals right now for your part in your relationship? Back to the very basics of all this. Something you can run through the filter and before you act or react, ask yourself that old standby, will it get me closer to my goal? Something to focus on and possibly set the tone for what you do and how you behave.
Quote: Do you have goals right now for your part in your relationship? Back to the very basics of all this. Something you can run through the filter and before you act or react, ask yourself that old standby, will it get me closer to my goal?
Oh, jackie...thank you for such a wise post! You have hit the nail on the head as to where I need to be...back at basics...setting goals...etc.
It was partly why I started the "DR" threads some weeks ago but I let myself get sidetracked (FEAR?) with work and school.
Goals work. I know they do. And by channeling my energy perhaps I could start feeling better about the changes I HAVE made instead of feeling so....well, bad.
Thanks for the wonderful reminder...time to dust off those threads!
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
I've been doing a lot of thinking and realized a few more reasons why I've been so stuck..
I've been thinking about my next set of goals as the be all and end all goals! The ones that make my m. ironclad, etc.
Now, obviously, there's so many reasons why this is overwhelming!
Partly because I've been stuck in thinking that I CAN CONTROL EVERYTHING IF I AM JUST RIGHT. Figuring out and reminding myself over and over again that I can only be my best me...and that that's all I have control over. A tough sell!
The other thing is that I've been looking WAY OUT THERE at the goal post...like hundreds of feet in front of me (maybe 50 years in front of me!) instead of looking at a point MUCH closer to me but in line with the goals! (duh -- Michele SAYS that!) So, I'm going to focus on today...this week...next week...all stuff YOU know and are implementing!
Positives from yesterday: 1. had a fun night with h -- rented "Pirates of the Caribbean" and relaxed.
2. h seems to be getting better AND he asked me if I've been feeling well...I love that he's so concerned!
3. h said this morning that he needs a date with me!
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
what is an iron clad marriage? what does such a m look like? what does such a m include? what's different about "that" m and your own? is there a difference? and lastly is there such a thing as and iron clad m?
