She's in MLC, but I was weak. Now what?

[crushednstuck]

Ok, no posts for a while, but the monotony of sanding and painting has been therapeutic. This project is endless and I know there's another one waiting behind it. And of course, W is watching and evaluating from her perch.
MC last week was again frustrating. I "dropped the rope" with every effort I could muster. I acquiesced to every barb thrown my way and offered no defense. I'm trying to gain her perspective, I guess so I can see myself through her. It's a maddening process.
The MC says "you look like you're getting along better this week". W jumps in and says she's not trying to change what's out of her control. W says its calmer because she is not releasing the anger. And to use Grit's analogy, I'm sitting there riddled with arrows and almost sickly smiling at how far away she is.

Apparently this weekend tested the limits of her therapy. One of the kids of one of the endless list of arch-enemies she has, came into contact with our kids. Before I reached the end of sentence one explaining what happened.....KA-BOOM! Now three days of fallout. If I string three words together its like Krakatoa. I've now begun to dread getting my kids because I know I'll have to relay what's going on when I have them. Detaching completely from her anger would be such a luxury. This is like sprinting through a minefield clutching live hand grenades to escape spear-throwing natives, uphill, barefoot, calling for help with a horrible stutter.