My impression is that he still wants to be connected to you in some way. I would say that the fact that the two of you have decent communication is a good thing. You may not see it that way but trust me if you were in my stich...this email would be a positive.
I think you responded fine. You did not bring up the R. You did not question him at all. I think it was a "matter of fact" type email.
The bigger question is what do YOU see in the email? You know your H better that anyone.
I have another question for you....Should you really be trying to read into any of his email at this time?
Quote:
I have never had self esteem as a wife or a woman.
Okay you identified a problem the bigger question/harder word is WHY did you not have any self esteem as a woman. What is a woman to YOU?
Quote:
i always put myself down and never felt worthy or beautiful or sexy.
Was this a result of your childhood or your M? Was your H the type to compliment you?
Bottom line IB..is that no one can make YOU feel beautiful or sexy. Only YOU can. Find out what make you feel beautiful and sexy.. once you find out then begin to work on it.
I always felt ugly as a kid. Although I have been told my entire life that i was handsome I never really believed it. It was the result of some serious childhood issues. At the end of the day, you are beautiful because you are you. For me, beauty is defined as more than just a pretty face...beauty is someones spirit, soul..I find beauty in compassion, kindness, meekness, gentleness and strength - so...IB...you have demonstrated all of the above criteria...in my book your beautiful!
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Thanks for the words of support. They mean a lot to me. I am ambivalent to the contact - do not want any expectations to enter my mind. I am no where near ready to sit down and talk with him about what "we are going through" - I hate when he writes that. "We" are non-existent / I am not ready to sit down and talk about divorce. S and I had to go to funeral home - people asked where H was - S just spoke up and said he is getting a divorce. I didn't say anything to him - I figure he was trying to help me out. God love him!
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
I always felt gawky as a kid also. Always thought my friends had so much going for them, and I was this beanpole tomboy. Now, I am much more self confident about my looks. I know I am attractive. I see guys watch me, BUT, I want to run home and hide. I have absolutely zilch, zero, nada desire to be intimate with anyone, least of all a different man. Evidently, this is also something that will pass, or there wouldn't be any couples in the whole darned world.
Don't really know what to say about all of this. I am glad that H contacted me - but am keeping expectations to zero. But as crazy as it sounds - any contact from this man makes me light up. I love this man. I don't know why. There is no way that I should - but this man has been my life for 28 years. I know the good and the bad and I choose the good. I know that he doesn't choose me - but what we had was good.
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
OK - so the single mom thing has gotten the best of me! Down to one car - I create an elaborate plan how 3 of us can use the car and get to where we are all supposed to be. Get up early - everything going fine. Get to work - go to a meeting - come back and I have all these missed calls from S and D because I walked out with the keys. I had to call H to ask him to swing by and pick S up for school. Third tardy for son on MY watch in 15 days. I'm losing it - feeling pathetic - feeling like H will NEVER want me back - I'm such a screw up, etc. What is MY problem? He has left - he is not coming back - he doesn't want to come back. I'm working my a$$ off trying to do everything right for my kids/myself - trying to come to terms with what kind of life I'm going to have! It's not the life I wanted - I want to be in a R with someone who loves and values me and family. I'm feeling rather hopeless today! Thanks for listening!
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
feeling like H will NEVER want me back - I'm such a screw up, etc. What is MY problem? He has left - he is not coming back - he doesn't want to come back
You have been here long enough to know this is 2X4 territory.
Will you save me the energy of wielding the lumber and tell me what about what you said up there is worthy of
flying lumber?
<<<<<<<<truegritter tiptoeing out>>>>>>>>>
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
IB, Stop giving a flying fig about what your H thinks.
You're running the show now. So, there's some screw ups, so what. You're not perfect, stop putting that kind of pressure on yourself. Be the best Irish you can be, forgive yourself and move forward.
The only R you need to concern yourself with right now is the one with yourself. The mirror work is hard but you will count that as a blessing.
I can tell you this right now Irish because I've been where you are.
Chin up sweetie, it does get easier and Grit won't have to wear himself out swinging 2 x 4s.
