OK, so my W just did one of the HINTING things I was referring to before. She just told me that she moved up her follow-up doctor's appointment from Friday to earlier in the week. Based on what she has said and how she has acted in the past, I am almost certain that she wants me to come to the appointment and expects me to offer to go with her. This is her standard MO.
However, she has not (yet?) directly asked me to go with her.
Questions for input/clarification now that there is a concrete example in advance:
1) Would OFFERING to go be perceived as pursuing?
2) Would AGREEING to go if she does eventually ask me directly be perceived as pursuing/supplicating (i.e., "why are you going anywhere with your separated wife other than things that involve the family or that are clear steps on her part towards reconciliation")?
3) Would REFUSING to go, if asked (or not offering to go), be perceived as neglectful/failing in supportive H role?
If I understand Puppy correctly, he would refuse to go even if asked (can you confirm Puppy?). Any explanation with refusal? Too busy?
Hi Busto,
Answer to your questions...
1) YES - Pursuing and enabling
2) You don't need to to do this ALL THE TIME. In fact, based on how much you do for her, you need to let her find herself a bit. Steve is right on her co-dependency. Ask yourself WHY you need to be there? If your answer is because you neglected her and you feel obligated...(BUZZZZZ) WRONG. She's a big girl, she doesn't need you there. It's a test to see how available you are. Not "Rock" like material.
3) NO...in fact as long as you're not rude, lie, or wishy washy as to your reason...you would actually shock her and make her wonder something different for a change. Your delivery of the answer should be an honest, loving, and reasonable statement of WHY you don't need to be there. Make sense? Maybe somebody else can add to this...I can't put it into words very well.
