I suppose now would be the time to ask the question: What is right for Bobby? Better yet, would the real Bobby please step forward? What I mean by that is that you are not defined by this. You are not controlled by this. You are not being yourself. I realize why. It's hard. Here you were flying along thinking everything was fine. Trusting in somebody else. Let's face it, it's not fair. Really. But the advice you are getting points back to one thing and one thing only. Learn to be you, regardless of what is going on. Will it hurt? Hell yeah. Will it suck at times? Yep. Will there be depression and guilt and anxiety and sleepness nights? Yep. But don't let that define you. Understand that's part of the growth process. You will grow even if you didn't intend to. In ways that will be far better than you could have imagined or otherwise dreamt. But you will. You no longer have the choice to not grow. You do have a choice regarding how much struggle you put up to the changes. When you have reworked you and changed, you will look up and figure out if you even want her to come back. That's possible. I've seen it happen. But do something for yourself Bobby. Sit down and make a list of all the positive things in your life. Even if it's just that you woke up breathing. Every positive thing you can think of. Every day, read that list to yourself when you wake up and when you go to sleep. Try that for the next six weeks. It'll help you see things differently. Rebuild you. You've been wounded, but it's not the tragedy you may think it is right now. The ending has not yet been written and you can still change the way your own life story unfolds. The only thing that has really changed is that you don't have her supporting you. Was she lately anyway? Not likely. So I see this as a great time to recondition yourself and re-evaluate.
Stop struggling Bobby. Come to the dark sid... wait. Wrong quote. You get the idea though.
Life- be in it!
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
I had a wonderful time last night at dinner with my son and his girlfriend. It was nice getting time with him after he had been deployed for so long. I woke up this morning and saw my wife was stressed out about an exam and she was having computer issues and asked me for help. I did help her and she told me the moving people would be by tonight to give her an estimate. I did not say anything other than listen. This morning I took my daughter to the dentist and got caught up on house chores and bills. I made dinner tonight. My wife looked tired and said the estimate was not going to be done today. She set the table ( I was shocked) and we sat down as a family for dinner. I asked her about her day and how school was going. She said it was tough and I told her she could do it. After dinner she said the movers may come tomorrow or Wednesday to give an estimate and she hopes to be gone by this weekend. I did not say a thing and went for a walk. I know MLC=CONFUSION. In any case I plan to have fun this week since I am off and plan to get together with friends the weekend. Well will see what happens. Bobby O.
I know this sucks, but it sounds like you handled it beautifully. I also know how hard it is to keep your mouth shut when what you want is to scream.
Keep on keeping on. You are doing great.
ME: 54 Him: 51 M: 20 years T: 21 years OW/New wife: 36 Sons & Daughters: 7 (ages 24-36) Bomb: March 4, 2010 He Filed: April 28, 2010 I Contested: May 1, 2010 Standing Down: 11/24/10 Divorced : 05/04/2011
I know this is very hard right now but I promise you it does get easier.
Just keep going about your business and living your life. You may find at some point that your W is running to catch up to you. Then you will have some decisions to make.
Hey Bobby. You did handle it very well. That is very similar to how things were with my STBX and I. She also is in school and very stressed out all the time.
During those times I'd get very similar behavior. I remember once she asked if I was going to take the kids to church. I said I was. Suddenly she jumped in the car and went along. I was dumfounded for a long time; confused.
I recall once that the MC told me that what the stbx did was going to happen either now or 10 years from now. It was a question of time in her opinion. That's not a bad thing is what I'm getting at. Sounds like she needs to have the space and you are giving it to her. Hard as that is, that is what you need to do EXACTLY. She is telling you this, and you seem to be doing it.
Hang in there. Things change all the time and you'll need to be fluid to handle the changes.
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Well today was a repeat of yesterday with the exception that I found out my wife has filed for divorce but the hearing was cancelled by her lawyer because I do not have a lawyer. I am shocked but so far no papers other than an email. Well, I guess she wants out and I will let her go and get a lawyer now. This really sucks. Bobby O
I am going to be served any day now. I live in Virginia. My wife had stated she is moving out. I found out that her lawyer had to change the hearing date as I do not have a lawyer. I guess I should have been served by now but I am sure it is coming. I know it aint over till its over but it hurts all the same. She just called me and asked me to help her with some schoolwork. I cannot figure her out but she will need support and the only way that happens is if she files. I really am beside myself and it is hard to be nice now. I will have to put distance between us now as that is the only thing to do. Bobby O
My wife told my daughter that she needed to get her room in order because the movers were coming. I then said to my wife when are you moving and she said Saturday. I then said how can you move without knowing an estimate and how can you be given a date without you saying ok? I then said am I being served papers and she said no. I told her I did not believe her and that if she does move than I will have to file for divorce because there is a huge financial issue at stake. I told her when I withdrew the lawyers a few weeks ago I felt she agreed to wait and see what happens. She is lying through her teeth because she can not support herself without my financial help. We could not agree to terms and her lawyer was being a total jerk with demands.She said she cannot take off from school for hearings but her lawyer had set up a hearing date for Sept 8 but I was never served papers. This is going to be very ugly but I have no choice.Will call lawyers tomorrow and prempt potential pending litigation. bobby O
Bobby it sounds like YOU are spinning. YOU are giving your wife threats and engaging her. If you want to be divorced then call your lawyer and file. None of us will stop YOU. It will be YOUR choice. Who cares who files first? Is there some legal advantage to this? YOU sound like YOU are reacting from a place of ANGER. That will not work. Think about this before you leap. It is a long way down.
