If we have done all the hard work, answered all the hard questions, and our actions are reflecting who we are.....how do we know when it is time to stop standing and "move on"? And I do mean "move on".
I only ask this as I myself am feeling things change within me, I am starting to question how much longer do I stand. If I have truly done the work how would I know that it is time?
What I am getting at here is that the place we arrive at that allows us to stand for our M's in a healthy manner is probably the same place that allows us to leave our M's in an equally healthy manner. Sooooo.....how do I discern the difference or is it even possible?
Miss,
I know you asked Grit this question, but I felt like I wanted to answer. You are not the only one who has asked themselves these very questions.
Through my journey, more than one time I reached points where I felt "done." I really wasn't. Some days I wanted to be, other days, I just wanted my M back.
These feelings were the scariest part of the process.
I didn't want to ever be done. I really didn't. I fought it very hard. For more reasons than most people here know. It wasn't just because I wanted my marriage, it was because of other things within myself that I finally had to face and heal as well.
Until the time came, when I didn't ask myself if I was really feeling done, I just was. When I really didn't wonder, even for a second, if I had done all that I could to stand. Had I really been honest with myself about H and myself and the state of our M? What was I willing to live with or without in my life, what did I want in another person, and could that person be my H?
If you question your feelings, then you are not ready to make a choice. If you are uncertain, then you are not ready to "move on".
After I knew for sure, I spent months greiving my M. Grieving on the inside, and standing and continuing to "move forward" with my life, to the rest of the world. When I was finally done grieving, that was when I knew it was time to "move on."
You cannot rush the process. You do a disservice to yourself, your children, your Spouse, and anyone else who may come into your life, if you try to rush this.
I read something once that has stayed with me through all of this...
"Trust is the absence of doubt"
It took me not doubting myself to be able to trust in my decision. That is when and how you will know.
Last edited by cat04; 08/30/1011:05 PM.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
