How should I proceed now? Is there hope?

[NotCrackingUp]

Thank- you, Lotus and Piano. I'm only beginning to find my way around the site, but on your advice, I've started reading everything I can find. On reflection, I feel there's a touch of mid-life-crisis about all this; just when he's finally managed to leave behind a job in agriculture he didn't like and become a fully-fledged sports instructor, just in his early forties, starting to lose his hair big-time and get a wrinkled, gaunt look to his face (I always thought he looked great, and told him so, but he had to go out and prove it),he starts to buy new clothes like there was no tomorrow and "age", "youth" etc. seem forever on the tip of his tongue. I'm a Christian, so was he, although not a great practician. I am discreet about my faith, but still practice and bring the kids up to practice.This was what we'd agreed on - I never forced it - when they were born and baptised. Now he makes fun of these beliefs and calls them a "leisure activity" for me. He emphasises our differences, although they never seemed to bother him in the past, rather the contrary.While he was still around, I was the main cause of all his unhappiness and had been for years, during which he'd been "acting a part". He said this to me, but also to our eldest, a girl of 13, and that hurt her so much, as she took it to mean that all his shows of love and affection were a sham.
So I've been reading up on posts by "Kensha" and "Bowtech" on the MLC.That has helped.
He came over this afternoon, just as a friend arrived with her children for a coffee.I just said "hi" - he still always insists on giving me a peck on the cheek, like he would to his mother. Then I left him do his own thing in the office.We were in the garden. When coffee was ready, I asked him if he'd have a cup, out of politeness. He came, ate and drank with us,played with the combined children and chatted to my friend as if no change has occurred in our circumstances. You'd think he was the happy husband and father of the year.She knows the score, and was astonished. I went back into the house to busy myself in the kitchen - also to avoid him, it hurts so much - and instead of heading off about his business, he follows me indoors to talk about some meeting he was going to attend later and "kiss" me goodbye again. You can't really refuse the "bise" on both cheeks in France, but you can stop doing it to the woman you've just rejected and told to be 'undesirable' and no longer the object of your love! I don't know where I am with him. He's gone but forever coming back, wants another life, another woman, but also wants to "play happy families".
Reading other people's posts is giving me strength and also a little "distance". Perhaps if he thinks he's losing me, he'll come back. However, although I've told him Im accepting his having to live through new experiences, I said it through clenched teeth, I'm not ready to let go and the thought of him in someone else's arms while I sit here and spin is tearing me apart.I'll have to get over that and regain a bit of confidence as a woman.Any notions on how to build up feminine cofidence that's been crushed by rejection and lack of respect?
Thanks.
NotCrackingUp