The first time my W brought up separating, she told me to think about it for a week or so and let her know. The following week, she was sweet, friendly, cooked my favorite meals, and was just like she was in the old days minus any type of physical touch or affection. At the end of the week, I told her that I would not leave the house or my kids but if she wanted to, she was free to do so. Well, the bitch was back. She was playing rope-a-dope with me.
You have been told what you need to do. It's scary and it sucks. I have also been told and am taking too long implementing all of the vets' advice. We cannot force them to stay. We cannot beg them to stay. They have to want to stay. We must take the pressure off of them and allow them to do what ever it is they want. We improve ourselves and, hopefully, gain their respect and attraction back.
I'm not a good one to tell you what to do when I can't bring myself to fully do it, either. I can tell you that the only improvements, however small, have come when I agree with her feelings, when I stand up for myself, and when I stand up to her. I spent the better part of three months just begging for another chance, begging her not to go. I finally told her she needs to leave but she won't. In another month, it will be the one year anniversary of the ILYBINILWY bomb. She is still here. We have not touched each other in five months. This is not a marriage, this is a joke. The joke is on me.
Do the hard stuff, the counter-intuitive things that don't seem like they should work. If your M can be saved, you will help your chances by following the advice on here. It sucks, no way around that. But it does work.
