You can't have everything, where would you put it?

[mishka422]

What if D8 or D11 comes home and says she won't go back to school or sit in her class because she doesn't like Susy, or Susy did something mean and they aren't friends anymore so she can't be in the same room. It is not possible. You would tell her that sometimes you have to work with people you don't necessarily like, but you treat them with kindness and just stay away when possible.

Precicely.

Just lead by example. Yes it stinks and hurts and makes you angry, but as a teacher it is better if the parents work together, especially with D8, because otherwise your girls no matter how innocent you think they are, will pick-up on the disfunction and use it against you.

The example of avoidance will lead to dysfunction in their dealings with difficult people. Do you really want that for them?

You said that they have had to change schools, sitters, etc many times because of your STBXW's anger issues and subsequent embarassment, correct? How do you think that came about? Example. If you display avoidance, you will teach the girls to isolate themselves and avoid circumstances that are not in their comfort zone. That is no way to live! Trust me....I've lived it for many years. Avoiding things out of fear, nervousness, distrust, or anger will only hurt you and them.

I see you as a competitive person CTH. So, challenge the competitor in yourself. Challenge yourself to go to the orientation, be confident and happy with yourself. Get the information you need for your D11's sake and go home knowing that STBXW's presence didn't scare you away. That's what is happening right now, even if you don't want to admit it to yourself.