cheated on, lied to, and now I am moving on

[mishka422]

Yes, but she was saying that by starting a tradition of both of them being there for a special dinner on S's actual birthday then she would not miss out of his birthday no matter what the holiday/significant date agreement is.

[awest1217]

Exactly Mishka! Although it sounds hard, I like the fact that I am going to dinner with H for S's actual b-day because then when the shoe is on the other foot, which won't be for a few years, the tradition is already set and we will still do dinner on his actual birthday. As for parties, I will have mine when it is my weekend and H will have his when it is his weekend. I think this way it is fair because we both see him on his b-day.

[awest1217]

Had fun with my friend last night. Her D was final in July I believe and I am going through it so we both understand each other. She is 25 and her and her XH didn't have children so that is a blessing because although her XH had an affair, he still calls her (she had to change her number) and tries to get back together with her. She won't go back because they tried to reconcile and after a year of MC and her thinking things were great (they went on a second honeymoon to Hawaii where they got married because he has family there) just to find out he never ended the A and that he was doing drugs. All in all, she said she was done and didn't want him back after being burned twice.

Now she is dating a guy and is taking things slow. SHe isn't looking for a new H, but is enjoying the companionship and is letting things go as they go.

It was nice to talk to someone who understands what I am going through. We talked about forgiveness, how hard it is, how we look like the bad guy for filing when we both know we were wronged, and more stuff. It is nice to have someone who is there with me and understands me. She went to church with me for a while so understands that aspect too. It was all fun and nice!

[Lucky11too]

That's so awesome. Glad you had a nice time. These forums are great, but nothing compares with good old girl chat with someone who's been there and understands. It's a little discouraging with your friends sitch tho, b/c that goes back to a question a lot of us ask on here - can they ever really change? It seems more than often they don't and it just depends how many times we are willing to get burned. But on the otherhand, it's encouraging that she's able to move past all the hurt and even start a new R (slowly of course). It's great that you're going to have this support system as you continue thru the D! =)

[awest1217]

So more craziness from H. Today he text me during work to ask if I would be his emergency contact and then asked for my ssn for insurance. I text back ok on the emergency contact (more of him not wanting people to know or is it that he has no one? Who knows?) and that he should take me off the insurance since we will be D'd soon. He said ok, but said he still needed it.

Being that I have been on the boards and know not to get sucked in to anything (although I think more and more that H is so immature that he wouldn't do anything), I called my brother who does insurance to ask if it is normal to need the ssn of someone when they are being taken off the insurance. He said no, and H shouldn't even need it if he was renewing because the insurance company already has it. Anyway S talked to H today so H and I talked for about 10 minutes and at the end he asked again for the ssn. I said no, and he asked why. I told him to be honest I don't trust you. I told him that I don't see why that the company would need my ssn if I was being taken off. We will no longer be married soon so there is no point. He said that he is just doing what he was told by their insurance person, but I said if they need it to have them call me. I later text him to say sorry for being harsh, but I don't give my personal information to just anyone when I don't feel it is right, and he said he understood.

Just really weird stuff going on. My gut is telling me he is trying to hold on to me. For what reason, I don't know...he still loves me? he and OW are over? It is just all weird. A lot is weird, but we will have to talk about D stuff before we actually D so I will ask him again just like I have every other time if this is what he still wants and if he doesn't to let me know because we can postpone it to try MC, but I know he won't say he wants to try so it is more just me knowing I have tried everything. I am just so scared he is going to be like my friend's H and like H's brother with his xgirlfriend. I am scared H will keep wanting to be "friends" or just keep trying to hold on to me even when we are D'd and destroy any chance at a new R.

I am not dwelling on any of this, but more getting out what I am thinking right now.

Felt a lot better today during the day, but my nose is slightly stuffy tonight. HOpefully I am on the up swing. Plus cooler weather is on the way and finally some RAIN!

[Kalni]

Hi awest, just checking on you... Follow your course and focus on you. If he has something of importance to say, he will at some point...
K

[Lucky11too]

It's definitely always good to protect yourself just in case, so that was the best action to take. I think regarding H's actions, I doubt H and OW are over, but more than likely, you hit it right on - he doesn't want to lose you. As we've learned on this board, not that he actually wants to necessarily be your H either, but doesn't want to lose having you on the side or as his fall back or even have you with any other guy. It was a control issue before and I'm sure it is again. In these cases, I think it's very likely that H could come to the level of H's brother or your friend's H. I could definitely see my H doing that. You will just have to continue to be strong and resiliant tho. As Kalni said, just continue on your path, and for your own sake of trying everything, give him the D out with MC, and then continue to move on with the wonderful life you have created.

Glad you are feeling better! Hope the cooler weather helps bring you back to 100%!

[awest1217]

Thanks! I am not letting what H does change anything I am doing at all. I am nice to him as S's dad, but that is it. I don't talk about my life or anything else.

Tomorrow is S's first dentist appointment so hopefully that goes well.

Sick wise I am where I was at two Sundays ago so I hope that means it is almost done. i am now just a little stuffy in the afternoons.

[awest1217]

Forgot to put in, I got a letter from our car insurance company that H's car insurance was cancelled. Not because he actually did anything to get a new insurance, but because he didn't pay it...again. He did this last time too. I called to ask him about it and he didn't call back so I text him and asked about it and he said he sent the check out the day it was due...WHAT?!?!?! I mean how completely stupid. You don't send the check the day it is due. Plus since he was late last time, they dropped his car so I told him to call and get it taken care of tomorrow. I don't really care because it is not my car, but I am trying to not be too mean until after the D settlement comes out because if H owes me money I want him to pay, and he said he I owe him that he will let it go, but that may not happen if I am mean.

Just trying to get the best money situation possible out of the D.

[awest1217]

S's dentist appointment went pretty well. S wouldn't let the hygenist use the mechanical tooth brush on him so she tried his "new" tooth brush, but he still wouldn't let her so I had to do it. She is also my hygenist so she knows me. After I brushed S's teeth, he let the hygenist "check" my work so then she was able to brush his teeth and also floss them. Overall he did very well. I sat by him the whole time and the hygenist kept saying how I am such a great mom and how I parent S they way she did her kids. I was loving, explained everything so next time he will be more comfortable, but at the same time firm in that he had to get his teeth cleaned. They worked well with him so it all was good.

I took him to McDonald's and even let him play in the play place as a treat, although he said he wasn't "really good, but a little good" because he didn't let the hygenist use the "fuzzy thing to clean his teeth". So cute! S got stuck in the play place and although I told him how to get down and other kids tried to help him, he wouldn't get down so I let him know if I came up to get him then he would have to go home. I had to get him and he cried and cried the whole way home.

Today has been so much fun! S came and cuddled with me while we watched TV this morning (IT IS FINALLY RAINING A TON!). It was great because during the summer he doesn't do that much since he sees me all day every day, and the last few weekends we didn't have time between the sale two weeks ago and him being with daddy last week. It is nice to just have a mommy S special day.