Where does the WAW go

[CPCajun]

From what I have observed and seen over the years.....

The best way to get him to make some serious and permanent changes is to leave him and let him see that you are DONE and want to end the relationship. Let him feel that there is not turning back for you. Let him feel that it is TOO LATE...

My reason(s) for saying this is the threads from the men who are LBS's on this site. Nothing I have seen works so well as leaving a man and telling him that you don't love him anymore and now it is too late...

I have seen women on this site come on here the same as you. Very rarely have I seen a man make the changes when she comes on here and decides to stay with him and see if she can find some "new and improved" or some possilbe thing she can say to him to wake him up.


I JUST read on here yesterday of one man who said he was GLAD his wife had wanted out because it woke him up to how bad he was. (THREE or more men THEN agreed with him)...


Even Greek didn't get changes UNTIL she wanted out and left.

Do what works.

I also agree with this. My sitch was close to Doodi's. I used to be physically abusive and saw what I done and stopped. What didn't was the verbal abuse. That abuse killed my W soul. I did get several "warnings" about how W felt, but I ignored them. Thats when W found OM and had the EA.
My behavior didn't change and W dropped the bomb. Yes...it was the greatest eye opener I needed. I eve n told W that. I glad on what she did, but not happy on getting to that point. I understand whet I put her thru and I understand what you are going thru.

As for the verbal abuse... When you talk to your spouse about an issue is that when he gets abusive or is it all the time? I know when my wife talked to me about something, I only saw it as nagging. I would listen to the first minute or two, but then just shut down and ignore her. That made her furious, which she took it out on me, which in turn I did the same to her. That's when we got nowhere. Does this sound like the case? Do you and H always do this when trying to discuss things? If so, thats when you need to try something different.
I think that you need to set a boundary as soon as H gets angry, raises his voice or gets verbally abusive.

Boundaries

If you continue with your behavior(yelling, name calling) I feel that you are______________. If you continue to do so, I will walk away. We can continue to have this discussion if you will be calm, open mined, and rational.