So just a quick update. Not much has really happened in the past month or so. The court timeline is ticking away. STBX and I are still living together - mostly amicable. We cooperate well (as we always have) where the day to day raising of the kids are concerned. We are following the basic rotating pattern we have been on since April: she cares for the kids during the day while I'm at work, and then we split the evenings and weekends 50/50. I'm with the kids on the weekend, she takes over Monday and Tues, then I have Wed and Thurs, then she has the weekend, then I have Mon and Tues, etc. It all seems to work well, EXCEPT when any discussion over the future occurs.
She has remained emphatic that this pattern can in no way work once we are no longer living in the same house. Her lawyer just filed an official proposal for parenting time that gives me visitation only every other weekend (Fri PM to Sun PM) and on Wednesday evenings. I've maintained that I won't accept anything less than 50/50 shared parenting.
Any attempt to discuss shared parenting ends up with her going from calm to angry in 0.5 seconds and using any tactic in the emotional abuse book to end the conversation in her favor - yelling, blaming, mimiking (yes, like a 4-year old would do), belittling, name calling (Yes, I'm a %^^%$#@@#%^&*), gas-lighting (yes, I'm the narcissist).
Every now and then after a period of cooperation I start to think of her as a rational adult and try to discuss the terms of the divorce with her. (see above). I'm learning not to do that.
In the mean time she doesn't seem to be making any attempt at all to look for work. She's educated and employable and works part time, but does not seem to understand that my salary supports one household, but won't support 2. Legally she is going to have to go back to work, but I know she really doesn't want to. I've offered to increase the amount of child care we have right now so she can get started, but any discussion like this results only in anger and deflection on her part (see above). Oh well. In the long run it's her loss, but it means that she is going to drag the court process on even longer.
She is dating, which as far as I am concerned is a good thing. She's going out frequently and I can bemusedly track the progress of a relationship by her moods. When the relationship is going well she wants to sell our house as quickly as possible - and we start making progress. When the relationship ends she drags her feet on the home sale and any discussion about selling the house results in anger and deflection on her part (see above ).
I've been dating lightly as well; couple of first dates - all of which were fun and light-hearted and enjoyable. So far no significant relationships, but I'm fine with that. I'm in no hurry and I'm enjoying things as they are. I've made a point of telling each of the women I meet exactly what my situation is (Not yet divorced, still under the same roof) prior to any date so that it doesn't surprise them later.
And the court timeline keeps ticking. I've been propounded with massive amounts of requests by her lawyer, so it appears I am going to have to defend my ability as a parent (why should a man have to fight just for equal custody?), defend my income (surely I'm earning more than I am) and defend my assets (those accounts that I had before we were married, never touched during the marriage, and still have - but which would go a ways toward keeping STBX from having to go back to work) all while refuting her claims of unemployability.
Several court deadlines are coming up in the next months, so the paperwork is certainly keeping me busy.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
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