WAW Using God III

[pigskin]

THAT is being on the back burner no matter how you slice it.
You need to let her think that you WILL NOT TAKE HER BACK NOW NO MATTER WHAT SHE DOES....

That is taking yourself off the back burner. She knows she can have you back at any time because you keep telling her how you have changed and things will be different. It should be YOU telling her what she is telling you and it should be her saying the things to you that you are telling her. This only proves you are the pursing one and she is the one backing off. it should be the other way around.

You are lying to yourself with this talk of not being on the back burner. It is just talk and isn't being in the least followed up by action. You should be telling her it now doesn't matter who is right or wrong and that you have now decieded that it just isn't going to work between you as lovers and that it would be best if you divorced. That she is right in that maybe you can't change and maybe you couldn't forgive each other for the past...

Not only that, but you have even told her that you don't want the divorce and yet you are filing... That is WEAK... You should be saying.. "You better believe I want this divorce. I will NOT be with a woman that can't be faithful. I won't be with one. End of story. Nothing more to talk about. See you in court."

THAT is how you let them go. There is no catch 22. You aren't being honest with yourself.

Thanks for the feedback, Gucci. I thought I did pretty well with the discussion but it is good to see a 3rd party opinion.

Not to sound defensive, but I left out a lot of context of the discussion. Me asking her the "do you want to try?" question was after listening to her go on about how I never made any effort to reach out or work through our problems. I refuted that by telling her everything that she conveniently forgot about. Then I said I have no interest in "reaching out" to a woman who belongs to another man. Or a woman who has no interest in me or our marriage. She claimed that wasn't the case. I said in so many words, "Fine. Tell me right now why I should even give you the time of day. Why I shouldn't just answer the phone, hear that it's you, and say F you, "click". You tell me you are truly committed."

The tone of the conversation wasn't me saying "please baby, let's fix this. I've made all your changes, just PLEASE give me a chance." I have taken action. I have not filed, I'm waiting on the lawyer's paperwork. This is all just killing time. I fully intend to follow through unless she does a 180. When/if she does, believe me I will dictate to her everything I need to see to keep me from signing off. I told her I don't want her back for any other reason than her true love for me. Short of that, I have no interest.

Telling her I agree with divorce would not be truthful, no matter how I said it, and she knows that. She knows how faithful I am to the Catholic church, and she knows full well that I believe marriage is forever. The day I sign the papers I still will believe that. But I have to accept reality. I have tried telling her I'm done when I told her I'm getting a lawyer and starting the process. It made no difference at all. I've used every tactic in the book.

I will state this: there is ZERO chance of me taking her back once the dissolution goes through. None. I have a friend who made that mistake and I will not go down that road, ever. When it is done, she is dead to me.

So I'm not on the back burner just waiting for her. I will not delay once I have papers in hand. The clock is ticking for her. There will be no overtime.

I don't know if this helps characterize the tone a little better, but I'd be interested in hearing what you think.