Well tonight has been interesting. H keeps wanting to talk about when I'm leaving. I told him I was ready to go but I still wanted to work on us and I wasn't jumping ship yet but it's like he is pushing me out. It's funny because I feel like I'm the only one fighting for this but I'm the one who dropped the bomb. Of course, I still don't know why. I wonder if it's my issues of being a people pleaser that I can't imagine destroying him permanently. I know I've hurt him but if I could just find my way back.
When I dropped the bomb, I told H that it was my feelings and nothing specific that he did. I couldn't really explain why my feelings were the way they were, I just knew I wasn't happy. I still don't think I'm completely explaining things right because I can't give him a clear road to our healing. He keeps telling me that I said is was my problem so I need to fix it. I just don't know how.
I know I didn't really address the things you guys have said, and I will because they have started the brain. But I just wanted to check in, while this was fresh on my brain. Ok, honestly I'm running because he's in the room now.
Doodi
"I feel like Rocky in the fifteenth round, beaten beyond recognition, when I realize, the only person I've been fighting for is...myself."
