I have a question? My husband has not seen the kids for 2 weeks. This week alone my 7 year old son has cried himself to sleep twice. After family prayer my 6 year daughter waits until the other kids are sleep. Then she comes and says "Mommy can we pray again for daddy". Then just me and her say a prayer for my husband. My husband called today and said "I am coming by to see the kids. I don't have time to stay so I am going to run in and give them a hug and leave". I told him I would call him when I get home from church. I feel like my kids seeing him for 2 minutes and then he leaves again for God knows how long will harm them. I want to tell him that when he has time to really spend with the kids then come over. When he does that I will be leaving so I won't have to be around him. The kicker is my husband lives like 3 minutes away from us. He lives so close that he can walk to my house if he wants to. He does not even call and talk to the kids or ask how they are doing. What are your thoughts on this?
Me (32) H (36) Together (12 years) Married (3 years) Children (4 ages 11,9,7,6) Bomb dropped (November 09) Seperated (January 29, 2010)
I don't think that him running in for 2 minutes and back out would be good for the kids at all!
In my opinion you should set a boundary there - either he comes and spends a proper amount of time with them or doesn't see them at all. What is good for them should be a paramount - if he "doesn't have time", well tough, he needs to make it.
I hope someone here will come and help you word it as a boundary, not an ultimatum, I'm not good at that stuff yet!
Accept that there is only one thing you can change in life and that is you
I agree with Ris on this one. I don't think him running in and then running out will help at all. Perhaps set a boundary, something like "I want you to be in the kids lives, I want you to see them, however we need to discuss our schedules and set days and times when you will really be able to see them and spend time." I'm not sure if that's how the wording should go, I'm not very good at boundaries yet either.
But I understand how you feel. My H was in my hometown visiting his family, he was here for 15 days, literally 10 minutes from where me and our D live. He saw her 3 times. He did keep her for two nights right before he left, but I'm in the dark as to how much time he actually spent with her during those two nights/days.
Me: 24 H: 26 2 SS: 7 & 5; D: 3 H filed D papers: 8/2/10 OW discovered: 08/10 D papers counter-filed: 10/2/10 There is no method to my madness
I agree with Ris on this one. I don't think him running in and then running out will help at all. Perhaps set a boundary, something like "I want you to be in the kids lives, I want you to see them, however we need to discuss our schedules and set days and times when you will really be able to see them and spend time." I'm not sure if that's how the wording should go, I'm not very good at boundaries yet either.
But I understand how you feel. My H was in my hometown visiting his family, he was here for 15 days, literally 10 minutes from where me and our D live. He saw her 3 times. He did keep her for two nights right before he left, but I'm in the dark as to how much time he actually spent with her during those two nights/days.
I would love to know how to phrase that as a boundary. My husband would come over every Saturday to see the kids. Once I called and talked to the OW and told her what the deal was he stopped coming over for the last 2 weeks. I feel bad for telling her because that has stopped him from seeing the kids. On the other hand I don't feel bad because I was tired of the roller coaster ride with him. The fact is if he wanted to see the kids noone would be able to stop him from seeing them.
Me (32) H (36) Together (12 years) Married (3 years) Children (4 ages 11,9,7,6) Bomb dropped (November 09) Seperated (January 29, 2010)
Today is day 4 of NC. It was hard because I wanted to call him and say WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? I made it through the day though without calling. I went to church today and spent time with the kids. Today was an otherwise good day.
Me (32) H (36) Together (12 years) Married (3 years) Children (4 ages 11,9,7,6) Bomb dropped (November 09) Seperated (January 29, 2010)
Do you read to the younger children? Some parents let kids fall to sleep by watch some kid rated DVD while in their beds. Personally,I think they need to go to sleep without the family split on their minds.
Don't take this the wrong way, but maybe you could have prayer time first, then have bedtime stories or whatever to help them get their minds off of the problems with daddy....long enough that they can fall to sleep.
Praying for the parent who is not in the house is a very emotional thing for children, and especially if they see the LBP shed a tear or appear very sad. You have a heavy burden on you.
If daddy comes by to hug his children right at bedtime, seems like that would increase the emotional state for them. IDK, they are your kids...so you would know best about when he needs to come by. It doesn't help the kids' routine, and that's what you need to decide. They may need to adjust to having one parent with them when they go to bed.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Today is day 4 of NC. It was hard because I wanted to call him and say WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? I made it through the day though without calling. I went to church today and spent time with the kids. Today was an otherwise good day.
You did well. One day at a time and all that crapola.
When you get that urge to call him, post here instead. Make this place your scream room.
Do you read to the younger children? Some parents let kids fall to sleep by watch some kid rated DVD while in their beds. Personally,I think they need to go to sleep without the family split on their minds.
Don't take this the wrong way, but maybe you could have prayer time first, then have bedtime stories or whatever to help them get their minds off of the problems with daddy....long enough that they can fall to sleep.
Praying for the parent who is not in the house is a very emotional thing for children, and especially if they see the LBP shed a tear or appear very sad. You have a heavy burden on you.
If daddy comes by to hug his children right at bedtime, seems like that would increase the emotional state for them. IDK, they are your kids...so you would know best about when he needs to come by. It doesn't help the kids' routine, and that's what you need to decide. They may need to adjust to having one parent with them when they go to bed.
That is a good idea to have them watch a video before they go to bed instead of pray. I do family prayer right before they go to bed. What I will do now is have family prayer, tuck them in, and then let them watch a movie. That way (which makes perfect sense) there mind will not be on their dad. I have made the decision that I am not going to let my WH come and see the kids for 2 minutes and then just leave. That would stress my kids out too much. They have been through enough and I am not going to put any unneeded stress on them. Thank you for your advice.
Me (32) H (36) Together (12 years) Married (3 years) Children (4 ages 11,9,7,6) Bomb dropped (November 09) Seperated (January 29, 2010)
