Beyond Depression..but still a losing battle?

[Lucky11too]

I hear you - on both accounts. It's the truth and the truth is not always positive. You're right tho, it really is becoming just a "friendship" or friends with benefits. It's hard to admit b/c that's not what I want it to be, but in reality, there's not much going on showing a H/W or even b/f/g/f R right now. Not that it can't be again, but I have definitely distanced myself b/c I need to protect my heart. I gave him my heart fully earlier this summer and I got completely burned with OW3. Which is interesting as I write this I'm thinking, i'm kind of leaving our R dead in the water. I'm not ready to let go of it yet and D, but on the other hand, I don't feel i can give him my heart again right now either b/c he has done nothing to regain my trust again. So in that case, we are sort of just existing. Hmm, interesting. So now the weight is pretty much on H to get it up to any type of real R again. He does try to come over just to see ME, but on the otherhand, I'm still not the priority. He obviously still sees his friends more than he sees me.

On the second account, yes, I'm definitely falling prey to the "next thing" phenomenon. Although these are all valid things, the waiting for the next thing could continue forever! But this current one is a definite one to wait for. (yes, I know sounds contradictory). But HIS biggest excuse about not working things out with us was that he needed to get his own place first so he could make his own money. Ok, if it goes thru, problem solved. (well, I'm sure he'll find another excuse, but in my mind, problem solved). All the other ones were ME not wanting to rock the boat so that he would follow thru on getting help. Luckily I won't have to wait long tho. They should have a final answer in the next few weeks. The final piece is waiting for the ABC license (liquor license) to go thru. Then H's apartment lease is up at the end of October, so it will be interesting to see where his mind is at depending on how long he renews (month to month, 6 months, a year?) Not that I have to wait until then, but the point is, things are all just coming to head shortly. I'm pretty determined to have a resolution one way or another before this year is up.

I'm definitely going to try to take some time to figure out what I want for ME. I'm not going to be able to get away from H tho despite his busy schedule b/c we have S's b-day party on Sunday, S's first day of pre-school on Tuesday, plus S's actual b-day on Tuesday. So b/c of S, I'll actually be seeing him even more than normal next week!