A man in full

[Truegritter]

say this goes on for 6 months even a year longer.....do you think that there will be a "change" in you that will signal to you that you are done "standing" or do you think that it will simply be the expiration of some internal deadline?

I think either is possible.

I believe, as you have said, I have made considerable progress though this process.

I have done that through having faith in this process, the wise people here, and my own self examination.

I have so far been able to recognize when I have been "stuck" and push through.

I know that when I began this my M was taking more out of me than I was getting back. And it had been that way for a while with my W's crisis.

Now I find instead of it taking from me I am putting more back to it then I am getting...

but the thing is

As strange as this may sound, it is making up for what was taken.

And the even stranger thing? I control that. I control what I put back in the cup until it runs over.

That is the mystery I have learned. The paradox. We cannot measure this by what we get or expect to get. It will always fall short...

It is what you choose that counts. What you choose to give.

There is no script here missher, I don't have a crystal ball.

I don't consider my M over yet.

I don't know when I will but it is not today.

I am in the healthiest place I can ever remember being in my life.

I trust myself. My days of self doubt are fewer and fewer.

I do not fear the future. I do not fear the fate of my M.

I can no more describe the "change" in me when I make a decision to move on from my M than I could beginning this process and telling you where I am today.

You know all this is something you have to live to know.

Experience.

You do not offend me by asking but you are looking for a formula my friend and there isn't one.

I realize how confused your W is and it is more than apparent in her communication with you.

So do I and that is ALL I know for certain.

There is no cost to me, no sacrifice right now that I see for me to live this decision. I do it willingly for myself and what I believe.

Part of it is an expression of love and the honoring of my vows the way I choose to express that and act for that.

It matters not that my W sees that or understands that.

It matters not whether anyone else sees that or understands that.

I have had faith in this process from the beginning and that is what I still have...

Whatever I choose in the future.

One of my favorite quotes about love is the last line of Corinthians 1 Chapter 13.

"Faith, hope and love, abide these three, but the greatest of these is love."