Pookie - when you first pulled away and it was difficult, how long was it before your W finally started to start contacting YOU? I'm just curious.
I have been pulling away for a long time. I wasted some valuable time after the bomb in mid April. Although I was kind of leaving her alone to do her running around, I was still pursuing - texting, begging for lunch meetings, whining about dinners at home and out. While I stopped asking where she went or with whom, I did not leave her alone. I kept calling and texting about every day necessities trying to keep thinks otherwise normal.
That was a complete waste of time and kept alienating her further.
Finally in the end of June I made vacation plans alone for myself and did not tell her until she found out on her own. That was the beginning. She got curious and started asking questions. She tried to find out around my back if there was OW. I kept it quiet and only answered if directly asked.
When I returned in the middle of July, she was still not talking to me much but I immediately noticed that she started spending more time at home and was nice to me when she did that.
Then I decided to see IC who recommended the DR book. I signed up here a month ago and the rest is up in my thread.
With a variable success I have managed to reach a point where we are talking, laughing, having dinners together and hanging out at home. She is still isolating me from everyone that knows about our problems.
But she communicated with me now which was not happening at all a month ago. She is truthful and transparent and I have been gaining back the trust and belief that there is no EA/PA and never was. She played a game leading me to think that there was.
I am going to have the “let go” talk with her very soon and I have accepted the fact that I may have to live up to my promise to move out. That does not mean the end of my DB. That would be just another phase and another set of challenges. My biggest hope however is that since things have been improving every day, she would let me lay out the plan for re-inventing our R. The old one is dead and needs to be buried.
I cannot offer the plan B without acknowledging the plan A, which is to LEAVE HER. That’s the tough part and I can see how you struggle with that. You have to be ready to face that reality. I know I finally am.
