That I won't accept any reaching out while she is trying to juggle two men. I will not be the guy on the back burner.
But you ARE the guy on the back burner. I know it, she knows it. Your talk means nothing because your actions show something quite different.
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I told her plainly if she really was serious about reaching out, tell me one simple sentence - "I am done with this affair and I am serious about reconciling."
That is your mistake.That is nothing but pursuit. It is the exact same thing as telling her that "I am on the back burner and am only waiting for you to tell me that you are done with the affair. Once you tell me that, I will jump off the back burner and take you back so fast your head will spin. I can't tell you how frustrating it is to not be able to show you my many changes. I still want you back and I will still take you back if you stop the affair."
THAT is being on the back burner no matter how you slice it. You need to let her think that you WILL NOT TAKE HER BACK NOW NO MATTER WHAT SHE DOES....
That is taking yourself off the back burner. She knows she can have you back at any time because you keep telling her how you have changed and things will be different. It should be YOU telling her what she is telling you and it should be her saying the things to you that you are telling her. This only proves you are the pursing one and she is the one backing off. it should be the other way around.
You are lying to yourself with this talk of not being on the back burner. It is just talk and isn't being in the least followed up by action. You should be telling her it now doesn't matter who is right or wrong and that you have now decieded that it just isn't going to work between you as lovers and that it would be best if you divorced. That she is right in that maybe you can't change and maybe you couldn't forgive each other for the past...
Not only that, but you have even told her that you don't want the divorce and yet you are filing... That is WEAK... You should be saying.. "You better believe I want this divorce. I will NOT be with a woman that can't be faithful. I won't be with one. End of story. Nothing more to talk about. See you in court."
THAT is how you let them go. There is no catch 22. You aren't being honest with yourself.
