My New LBS Reality

[ericmsant2]

IB

I can feel your guilt in your post. I know it well. Lived it for a long time and sometime still do.

I see that you want to work on the things that your H said that sting. I get it. What I think you need to do...is really sit back and thing about the things in your life, in your persona that YOU want to change. You see, our spouses have a way of making us feel like dog dodo. We begin to believe it. We begin to think that everything about us is wrong, broken. It is not. What your H is doing is projecting his issues on to you. You see, in order for him to remain angry at you...he need to focus on his reality, which right now is skewed.

Tell ya what though....work on you and I mean really work on you and you will begin to feel better. You will. Does that mean that bills that are piling up go away - no. It just means that you will feel better.

Your confidence is shot...i can tell by your post. IB - you need not feel this way. Your a women, your a mom but you should also feel like a women (hey wasn't that a song)...do things that make YOU feel better. Get your nails done - hell get your toes done. Something anything so that you feel better. That feeling may only last for a short while but you will begin to appreciate them and appreciate yourself.

Finally, you are standing for your M. That hon' is an attractive quality. You may feel alone today. You may be afraid that you will be alone tomorrow BUT you really do not know.

You know...this time that we have, when we detach and I mean truly detach..we begin to realize things about ourselves, we begin to realize things about love. We grow...we cry...we laugh...

it is the flow that is life.

THis is hard IB - but believe it or not you are doing better than you think.

God Bless
Eric

[irishblessings]

Thanks Eric and Punkin ~ you always have a way to help me feel a little better. For that I am FOREVER grateful!!

I think I will take your advice Eric - need a mani-pedi in my future:)

[imLIN]

Did someone say mani-pedi??? Oh I would love that right now...first week back at work, driving a school bus with no a/c and we have had a freaking heatwave!!!
Oh well...I have my self, my family, and my job...so I guess I will just have to drink lots of water and wait for a cool down!

Chin up...oh that reminds me...pesky chin hairs are back!

[irishblessings]

Hello friends! Last night spent the night at my best friend's house back in my old hometown. She knows everything that has been going on and she was such a wonderful support - I am blessed!

Today, moved my D into her new house on campus. This mom is getting too old for 3rd floor apartments with no elevators and moving beds, etc. However - I did it and she was grateful for my help. Got a hotel room for she and I and we hot tubbed it and are getting ready to eat dinner.

When I was leaving for out of town, H texts me - "Would you care if I stopped by the house to see D and S?" First contact in over a month. I text back "sure". He sends back "ok, thx". Kids say conversation just plain generic - felt like he was only there because he felt obligated to be. I feel like I have completely left his radar. I feel like he never thinks of me at all. He never checks in with me to see if we are ok - he's just gone. It hurts.

I realized over the past few days that I have decent self esteem as a mother and employee and friend. However, I have never had self esteem as a wife or a woman. I've always put myself down and never felt worthy or beautiful or sexy. Could be a problem!

Thanks for listening!

[punkin]

Irish,

JMHO, H didn't have to text you. He could have contacted the kids directly. Instead, he reached out to you. Correct?

[irishblessings]

Yes - he did contact me to go to the house. What should I think? The kids felt that he didn't want to be there - they felt he was there because he felt obligated. All 3 kids feel their dad abandoned them. Oh well, that's his relationship not mine. The kids and I are doing well together.

Thanks punkin for pointing that out.

[punkin]

Irish,

It's been my observation with my H that guilt is so huge when it comes to the kids. They want to see them, and then can't think of anything to say because they KNOW they have done wrong.

You can't make or break that relationship. But I feel it's telling that after this time he contacted you.

[imLIN]

Punkin...this is absolutely true...My H used to hug our son and give him money when he saw him...he really didn't know how to interact with him because he knew his son knew what he had done...he couldn't talk about things that were going on with son because it interlocked with his D's her wanted nothing to do with him...with me, who he wanted nothing to do with...it was a real mess emotionally for H...which is why I feel H avoided contact for great periods of time because it was like looking at himself in the mirror...he was forced to face the fact that he was missing out...that he had made decisions that deeply hurt his family...

So...yes, reaching out to you in text about visiting the kids...was in a way sticking his toe in the water to see if it was comfortable or not...if he can do that and you don't react negatively or over poweringly to him...it gives him something to ponder....

Lin

[irishblessings]

Well - Sunday night. Overall a nice weekend for me. Today a little tougher. S's car broke down, my dryer died. Just life stressors that we (H and I) used to share and look at each other and finally laugh. Now I feel like I am always being tested.

Thanks so much to all of you for giving me your support and guidance. I don't know what I would do without it.

[irishblessings]

Ok friends - just got this email from H and I included my reply:

S just told me that you all dropped the Lincoln off at shop. Please let me know when there are issues with that car. I plan to take care of and pay for the maintenance of that car and my car if you will maintain the others. I know I need to get some new tires for it before winter.

I also received the renewal notice from the BMV. It is around $200 and due by Oct. I will pay for all of them to be renewed this year and get them to you.

I have also attached a couple reports of S's grades and attendance…

I told him yesterday he needs to be thinking about what he wants to do with these weekend basketball things. I will pay $100 or so towards the weekend basketball activities. The deadline for the league is coming up soon in case that is what he wants to do.

I told friend about what we are going through and he offered for me to stay at his house in his basement. I guess it has an outside entrance and is small but somewhat finished. I’m going to go talk to him about it and look at it after school Wednesday to see what I think.

I applied for the Asst. Princi position here at school. They will probably be interviewing for that in September sometime. We will see what happens with that.

Do you know if friends know about us? I started to email them yesterday but thought I would check to see if you have communicated anything to them first…

Unbelievably terrible and sad what BIL family and them are going through. J called me a couple days ago to tell me that he was sorry for what we are going through and we talked about things for a while…

If anything else is going on that I should know about please let me know.


H,
Thanks for offering to help with S’s car. I appreciate your help with the maintenance. I also appreciate the license renewal. The dryer died so I I’ll have to replace that and I just paid the property taxes.

I know S has been tardy twice – first time our power went out and my phone was completely dead. Today it was really the car issue – he had gf pick him up. I will make sure he’s not late again.

He is planning to work out with coach Tues, Weds, Thurs this week again and I will pay for that. He and I were going to talk about the weekend things – any help is appreciated.

Good luck with G’s place. That was nice of him to offer. He’s a nice man.

That’s great about the AP job – hope it goes great for you. I’ve always thought you would be great at that job.

D and D now know – so does X and I would assume her parents. They connected with me through Facebook. I’ve not talked to X, Y, Z.

I can barely talk about the BIL situation – A called me and I told her if she and Danny went to O to see them to let me know and between me, S and D we would be willing to check in on your mom and dad. I can’t imagine BIL’s pain – to lose 3 people you love is one lifetime is just unbearable to me. Been praying a lot for them. It sounds as if your dad is frustrated about not working.

Got D2 moved into her place on Saturday. She is doing ok – she saw a counselor a few times but wasn’t real thrilled with it. She is looking forward to having some time off after Friday. D1 is doing ok – she had a date with JJ last night and really had a nice time. He has been very nice to her and as she says “normal” S and gfbroke up for a few days and now are back together. He is moody but has really been trying to do the right things.

Thanks for the email.
IB



So what do you think?