Bustorama-Thread 1

[bustorama]

I see the great wisdom in what both of you are saying.

Bit of follow-up, relevant to what you said Puppy, something I'd like further input on, an issue/weakness in my wife is that she has low self-esteem and is not assertive in stating her needs/desires (I have the same issue in some respects that I am working on in IC and this dynamic undoubtedly contributed to the deterioration of our relationship). So, she will say something that HINTS at what she wants, but she will not assertively ask for it. She also perceives herself as being incapable of doing certain things that she probably IS capable of or at least SHOULD be capable of (e.g., handyman stuff, calling doctor to discuss medical issues on phone). So, there is this passive-dependence aspect to her.

In the past, when I would not respond to things that she had hinted at and which she PERCEIVED herself as being incapable of doing she would get angry and resentful that I was not responsive to her needs. That I failed to provide her with acts of service. Long-term, I would want us to address and resolve this passive-aggressive, (co)-dependence dynamic. In the short-term, I am unclear whether I should be helping her in RESPONSE to her hints to do things that *I* perceive her as being truly incapable of doing VS. things that I know *SHE* PERCEIVES herself as being incapable of doing based on our history.

Thanks for thoughts!

Thoughts?