You are obsessing about everything. Listen to what the good people here are telling you and START DOING IT.
Your controlling and obsessing got you where you are. Please try to understand that. I am speaking from my own experience.
I myself, am not out of the woods by any means, but I have withdrawn far enough to see changes. 3 months ago my W would not even talk to me, she was coming and going and doing everything possible to get me to pursue and get mad and jealous so she could validate her desire to end the R.
She is currently vacationing alone something that I strongly supported. She scheduled it over a month ago to get away from me. It has not even been a full day and she's texting and sending pictures. Me validating her feelings and desires while backing off and letting her do her thing is now showing the complete opposite reaction. I expected a complete radio silence instead I am getting bombarded with communications.
My responses have only been when question is asked. She is sharing her feelings with me and I hear it but do not engage. I have to put my feelings aside and look at it rationally. What did I do to cause this reaction and do it again while stopping all that has not worked.
Start detaching and be consistent. You will know when the changes come because they will be genuine.
