I'm also starting to appreciate how my wife really feels, the emotions/turmoil she's going through. I'm pretty clearheaded about what I want; a loving, caring, nurtering relationship with someone. I'm not so sure my wife is that person, but I think so. Yet for her, she has no idea what she wants, whether she deserves to be happy, and all she sees is pain and doubt. I'd say that's hell...
I'm starting to pity mine. She's literally given up everything that she at one time valued in her pretty much F'd up life and ran. I'm not talking about me either. I realize everything that I did wrong, but during this learning process I've also have seen how screwed up she is. Until she seeks out truly what she needs in her life to be happy, she'll continue living her "new" life through her sister and single friends. Sad part is she's older than all of them. LOL I sometimes wonder what they think of her. By now they have to see she's a little "lost"
My wife has always been so attached to her "friends" at work whom "she loves." Attached to a job where she can shirk so much responsibility, and act like a teenager (like many of her coworkers). I'm sure that their lives are much more fun than what a 36 year old mother of two has; forget about me. The cool kids are just more fun.
I don't fault her for wanting more fun out of life. I want it too. I just wish that she had realized that being a wife and mother didn't mean she had to shunt so much of that vitality outside of the home.
MC at 11am; W worked until 12:20am, I was asleep when she came home, didn't expect her out so late. Had dreams for the first time in months, all night long. Very ambivalent about our R, trying to concentrate on maintaining my temper with my kids. I've lost my cool so much with them in the last 4 days (never around W). Usually I'm the calm one in the house. I must be stressing more than I realize.
Morning run felt great, as did crunches and pushups. I know there will be a plateau sometime, but I really wonder what my body will be like by Jan 1. For an old man, I'm really happy to see that I can learn some new tricks!
it'd be nice to have someone who was more involved with our lives than with the cast of Project Runway, or Ace of Cakes.
Your wife is bored, she needs some healthy drama. She is a AOS girl then what needs to be done around the house that is your job? Empty the trash cans without being asked (promise this will score more points than you can imagine.) Plan a camping trip, the wx is starting to break, always drama when you go camping. When it comes to hitting the LLs be a sniper.
Quote:
I want a wife who is interested in me, not because I give her lots of attention or listen well, but because she thinks I'm the cat's pajamas. Someone who's pulse quickens when I walk in the room. Someone who isn't afraid of being loved, or giving love. Someone who does things, not reads about others doing things.
You will get all those things when you are the cats pajamas. Notice how you wrote - "I am the cat's pajamas." Are you the cat' pajamas?
Keep working.
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
During our MC, wife expressed how she was so afraid of me. That the changes I've made were still just for her, that they wouldn't last, that I'd turn on her and kick her out. Counselor is really good. He helped defuse a lot of the pressure my W felt.
One of the biggest fears of my wife is the loss of attraction for me. For a woman, it was surprising that she thought it was all or nothing; not related to emotional intimacy at all.
Another good comment W made was that she had finally realized that whether she chose to stay and work on the MR or leave, there would be lost of hurt. Even fixing/repairing/starting anew with each other would mean more hurt.
The counselor also talked about how relationships are built like a three-sided triangle; Commitment, Intimacy, and Passion, and how they effect each other. He also talked about learned optimism and how our thoughts and actions can influence emotions. I think he was trying to plant the idea for my W that her desire can return if we build on commitment and emotional intimacy.
I wish I had something to envy. Counseling is such a slow process, and I'm impatient as can be. And it's hard to see progress, when I could just be spinning my wheels.
