How should I proceed now? Is there hope?

[Piano]

Hugs NCU, sorry you are here. I understand your confusion and pain.
I've been where you are (even the same country is involved..you can find me in Newcomers). You've had good advice so far from Kara and Lotus .
The best thing you can do at the moment is read others posts here.
Read, read, read all the posts of Sandi2, Robx, Coach and Greek, to name a few. You can do a search on their names and recent posts will come up.
CD Bear's current thread in Infidelity contains some incredibly wise pots on it and which will help you with your sitch and understand what DBing is about.
Even though his situation is different, the advice is largely the same.
Read up on Boundaries (there is a thread in Newcomers) as well as Setting Them Free thread. Boundaries help protect you from harmful/hurtful behaviour. Your H should NOT be coming in and out of the house willy nilly.
You need to protect yourself & put a stop to what is hurting you so you can heal and look at your situation with distance and clarity. It's important to act from the head, not the heart.