Hi All, sorry, decided to just get on with life, and not focus so much on H. I really am at a very confused point right now. I love this man more than life itself, but then I'm thinking, thats what i expect my partner to feel for me too, and I'm not sure if he'll ever get to that point
I feel I have so much love for him, and he has none for me, and thats wrong. I know hes probably in MLC, but I'm just wearing very very thin
I know he is in there somewhere, but I also know he might never come back out
Over the past couple of days I feel like he's 'testing' being back. Seeing if he can tolerate it. And that feels awful:( I can see he's not ready. But I can see he's trying.
I'm also not sure if I'm missing stuff. I'm awful at reading between lines, and unfortunatly his family operates this way. Nothing is really directly spoken. And I know that i can't bring up R talk, so I fear he will just continue trying to hint at stuff, and I'll never get it
A few days ago he asked if I wanted to join him and S on an overnight trip. I said yes, but he was in a fowl mood for the first part of the trip. Very blunt and moody. I asked him if he was ok, and he bit my head off, said 'DONT PUSH ME'. He said no one knows what I've been going through for the past 3 months. And stormed off
He was irritated generally, and seemed to calm down a few hours later. i didnt say much to him after he blew up - just left him be.
Next day he seemed to be willing to spend time with me and S and took us to eat and have coffee together, and seemed to want to hang out at my place after, said he had nothing else to do (gee thanks), but changed his mind when i said I needed to go shower, he left with S for a few hours to his place. Brought him back later. For the whole day he was in a normal mood - no blow ups.
yesterday he came over again, and spent a few hours here. It seemd like he was acting like he lived here. He sort of made himself very comfortable, turning on the TV,and various other things that he used to do.
At one point I asked him if he had a certain music CD, he said no, but I should go buy it for us. (US? Theres an US?)
Then he said he wanted to pay for an overseas trip for me and my parents! This is the grandest gesture hes ever made in our lives together and I nearly cried...
Whats going on:( Am I missing something? He's offering so many things to me, new gadgets he wants to buy me, new computer, new software, expensive cosmetics...and now a overseas trip! but at the same time he's so annoyed with me?
I miss the man so much. For the whole trip I was sitting behind him, and I had such an urge to put my hand on his shoulder like I used to, but I couldnt
I think he feels bad that he cant get himself back to us maybe, and thats what all the grand gestures are for?
Or is he trying to get me to warm up to him? Is the ball in my court here? HELP!!!
At this point I'm torn between wanting him back , and not wanting him back as he is now
If I could just have a sign that he was back on his way to the man i used to know, i could wait. But i dont know the signs I dont know whats positive and whats not
